


The Soundtrack of Us

by ILoveABaddie



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Canon Compliant, Falling In Love, Fluff, Getting Together, Love, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 16:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11947872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILoveABaddie/pseuds/ILoveABaddie
Summary: What if the events of chapter 61 never happened? Simon still helped Baz figure out who killed his Mother and still vanquished the Humdrum, but now he's graduating Watford with Agatha on his arm and Baz just can't hold his tongue.This fic is set to Adele's album 25, each song a different chapter in the story of Simon and Baz's life.*Naturally I don't claim to own any of Rainbow Rowell's characters or Adele's song lyrics. They are both geniuses who I admire and respect.





	The Soundtrack of Us

** ONE **

****

All I Ask

 

**Baz**

 

The night of the Leavers Ball is here already and I am feeling conflicted. I've been both dreading and anticipating this day all year. Today's graduation ceremony was pleasant enough; I beat Bunce for top of the class, but only just, of course she wouldn’t make it easy on me and I think that it makes me almost like her. The speech I gave was well received, Father sat stoically in the front row next to a beaming Daphne, Mordelia who looked bored to tears and Aunt Fiona who spent the whole time wiping away _actual_ tears.  They served a lovely afternoon tea in the dining hall afterwards and I sat through all the necessary pleasantries while silently wishing I could escape back to Murmer’s House to wallow in self-pity.

I’ve been wasting time in our room for a while now, somehow hoping that Snow would barge in and at the same time feeling grateful that he hasn’t shown his stupid, gorgeous face in here all day, the git. I glimpsed him in the crowd during my address and he was looking at me curiously. It was a look that I hadn’t seen grace those lovely features before and it threw off the tempo of my carefully crafted speech momentarily. After today, this will no longer be _our_ room, and I have spent so many years hiding my true feelings for Snow that it feels strange knowing that tomorrow it will all be over. I’ll probably never see him again.

After Snow and Bunce helped me figure out that the Mage was responsible for my mother’s death and then stopped him from killing Agatha things were much better between us. We had a moment where I thought there might be a chance he’d reciprocate my feelings, but once he saved Agatha it seemed to ignite something in their relationship and my feeble hopes were dashed. Bunce figured out that the Mage had caused the Humdrum through the dark magick he was using to try to steal power from other magicians. The Old Families came together to prosecute The Mage, once found guilty he was sentenced to death and his execution eliminated the threat of the Humdrum all together. Professor Bunce was chosen to take over as the Head Mistress at Watford, and life just kind of carried on. Years of assuming that Snow and I would end up in a fiery battle to the death were replaced by final examinations and suit fittings for the end of year celebrations. He didn’t even seem fazed when I finally confirmed to him that I am a vampire, once I explained that I had never nor would I ever bite a human.

I suppose I should head down to the great hall and at least make an appearance at the ball, although I can’t bring myself to give a shit about dancing and socializing. I've been saving a bottle of scotch that I nicked from Father's cabinet and tonight seems like the perfect night to dip into it, I'll have the room to myself since Snow will be attached to Wellbelove like a trained puppy all night. I muster up all the enthusiasm that I possibly can and check my hair in the bathroom mirror one last time. It has gotten long and I tuck it back behind my ear. My tailor truly has outdone himself this time, my jacket is deep red velvet with black piping, and the cut is exceptional. It fits perfectly in the shoulder and cuts close to my sleek frame, if only there were someone here to appreciate how fantastic my ass looks in these slacks. I do love a well cut suit, almost as much on myself as on a certain Chosen One. _(Dammit, Baz! Get it together)._

I saunter into the Great Hall with my standard look of indifference plastered on my face. After scanning the crowd casually I spot Dev standing at a table off to the right and make my way over. He greets me with a tip of his glass and I nod in his general direction. His date is at the next table over chattering wildly to a group of girls about hair or make up or something else that makes me roll my eyes. Dev looks bored stiff and I am suddenly so grateful that I turned down several requests from eyelash batting, hair twirling female suitors.

My heart skips a beat ( _yes, it can still do that_ ) when I see Snow surrounded by his lackeys laughing and having a positively glowing time. His head is thrown back in a moment of pure joy and as much as I hate myself for it, it warms my cold dead heart to see him so free and relaxed. He hasn’t noticed me so I indulge and allow myself to take him all in, heather grey suit that fits like he was born to wear it, bronze curls that refuse to be controlled and his perfectly straight, white teeth on full display as he laughs from the depths of his belly. He is perfection personified, and I hate that I love him so much it aches. I am unceremoniously snapped out of my reverie when Wellbelove slides into view and drapes herself across Snow. I can almost feel a growl escape my lips and I remember why I didn’t want to come to this thing. I’ll just make sure I float around kissing a few cheeks and shaking the right hands so that people remember I was here and then I’ll sneak out the back door.

An hour later I am back in my room, I shrug out of my jacket and drape it over the desk chair while loosening my tie. Then I reach to the back of my wardrobe and feel my hand close around the bottle hiding in the back. As I read the label appreciating the 60 year old scotch that I’m sure Father will miss I conjure a glass with my wand and settle onto my bed for one last night. The liquid burns on the way down and feels remarkably cleansing. A third of the way into the bottle I start feeling sorry for myself and what better way to wallow then a good Adele and Cry. I fumble through my bedside table until I find my ipod and flick though the song library until I see the beautiful and always soothing image of by favourite Brit songstress. I hit shuffle, they’re all good and they’re all about heartache. I poor myself another deep glass of scotch and let the music fill me up.

Some amount of time later; could be six minutes, could be six hours; Snow literally falls through the door. He is a hot mess, a super-fucking-hot mess. When he finally pulls himself together and sits up he glances over and takes in the sight of me sprawled across my bed in all my drunken glory, Adele blaring loudly from the ipod that has become my microphone as I belt out along with the song.

 

**Simon**

 

Baz is wasted. And it is awesome! I am so glad that he and I are ending our time here as friends. It occurs to me that I didn’t see him at the dance at all and I feel kind of sad that we didn’t hang out tonight, it being our last night together and all.

**Baz**

The song ends and I glare at Snow. It’s a hard habit to kick.

“Back so soon? I figured Wellbelove would make sure everyone had a chance to be blessed by the sight of you two.” Snow scowls at me but I can tell his heart is not really in it.

“Come on Baz, what are you doing in here drinking alone? It’s our last night at Watford, you should be enjoying it.”

“What the hell does it look like I’m doing? This is me, enjoying my last night at Watford, away from all of the poepleiness of the people.” I want to say that I said these words with cutting sarcasm, but they stumble out of my mouth in a slur.

The song has changed and Simon is staring at me silently with that same curious gaze. I can’t seem to look away from his eyes and he isn’t breaking either. Somewhere in the back of my consciousness I hear Adele.

“ _I will leave my heart at the door_

_I won’t say a word_

_They’ve all been said before you know_

_So why don’t we just play pretend_

_Like we’re not scared of what is coming next_

_Or scared of having nothing left”_

I’m transfixed; I can’t break the eye contact. What the hell is wrong with me? The song is filling my head and I can tell that I’m about to do something supremely stupid. I slide off the bed and crawl over to where Snow is sitting on the floor, never breaking eye contact. Which I must say is an impressive feat in my current state.

_“Look, don't get me wrong  
I know there is no tomorrow  
All I ask is_

_If this is my last night with you  
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend  
Give me a memory I can use  
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do  
It matters how this ends  
'Cause what if I never love again?”_

“Snow?”  I lean close to him and I’m surprised when he doesn’t even flinch. I am acutely aware of his body heat, it is flowing off him in waves and making me feel more intoxicated.

“Yes, Baz?’

I want to say something scathing, I want to smack him in his beautiful face, I want to tell him off, but I can’t. It’s like I’m hypnotized by the song. Can I argue that later? I plead temporary insanity due to Adele.

“Snow, I need to tell you something. Like the lady says, this is my last night with you.” I don’t even pause because I know if I do that I’ll never get this out. “Simon, I love you. And I always have. Seeing you with Wellbelove makes me want to throw myself off the ramparts. I know it is insane and I know you probably don’t want to hear this but I couldn’t leave this place without telling you. I love you, Simon Snow.” He raises an eyebrow and I feel strange pride because I know he picked that up from me.

“Baz” he says it this time with a softness that I have not heard from him before and it’s unsettling. “You’re shit-faced and you don’t mean any of this. You have hated me for years.”  He smiles at me like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown, like a sudden movement would set me off.

“ _I don't need your honesty_ _  
It's already in your eyes  
And I'm sure my eyes, they speak for me  
No one knows me like you do  
And since you're the only one that matters  
Tell me who do I run to?”_

**Simon**

I’m not sure what Baz’s deal is, I mean it’s pretty clear that bottle of scotch didn’t drink itself so he’s three sheets to the wind at this point, but why is he saying these things. He must be fucking with me. We have been getting along well lately, but there’s no chance he means any of this. My brain is busy processing what he is saying since he’s still in the midst of professing his love. And then he leans close to me and I feel my breath hitch in my throat then his lips are on mine and I abruptly stop thinking. His lips are soft against mine and he is running his hand that isn’t supporting his weight up my neck and into my hair. I lean into him and deepen the kiss without even thinking about it. He hums softly into my mouth and I feel a wave of heat rush over me. I am running my hand up his back and into _his_ hair when, suddenly I realise what is happening and I pull away from him, putting my fingers to my lips in shock. He just sits there, looking at me lustfully and I have no idea what to do. I think he might actually be serious about all this.

“Baz,” I stumble because it seems like I can’t say anything but his name right now, “is this real? I mean, are these your real feelings?”

“Of course they are, Snow.” He levels at me. I am not sure why he’s so calm. “I have to get this off my chest, I can’t leave Watford without you knowing. Trust me when I say that I had no intentions this morning of pouring my heart out to you but Adele made me do it.”

That last bit was confusing but I think he is serious. I really have come to care about Baz, but I have promised Agatha a life together after Watford and I can’t think about this right now. Why is he telling me this now when it is too late to do anything about it? I can feel myself getting flustered, my magic rising to the surface, and I start tripping over my words like always, “Baz I-, this is all so-, Agatha and I-“, at the mention of Agatha he leaps up and heads for the bathroom slamming the door in my face.

**Baz**

Fucking. Stupid. Wellbelove!

Fucking, Stupid. Me!

I am royally screwed and I have no one to blame but myself, and maybe Adele a little bit, and definitely the scotch. I can hear Snow calling my name outside the door and I just want to melt into the floor. “Fuck off, Snow” I venture but Snow is terrible at fucking off so I know he’s not going away. Looks like I’ll have to spell the door shut and sleep in here. This was not part of the plan for my last night at Watford, sleeping on the bathroom floor so I can hide from my roommate that I confessed my love for. Well done, Basilton, well fucking done!

**Simon**

I lean my back against the bathroom door and let my head fall against it. Baz is telling me to go away but I need to just process this shit for a minute. Baz is in love with me, I let that roll around in my head, I say it to myself and feel the weight of it on my tongue. I can’t figure out how this makes me feel. Happy? Confused? Upset? No, it’s sad. I feel sad that I didn’t know this sooner. And maybe a little aroused? No... that can’t be right. Why would he wait until the last night we have together in this room to tell me all of this? It’s too late. I can’t just leave Agatha. We made plans. We planned a life together, a life that I want; I want that life, don’t I? This new information has created all of these images in my head of Baz and I doing things I never imagined doing with Baz or any bloke for that matter. And that kiss, that was better than any kiss I have shared with Agatha. But, fuck! Do I just walk away from a years long relationship based on a drunken confession from a guy _(yeah, a guy! That complicates it further_ ) that has been terrorizing me for 8 years?

**Baz**

It has been quiet outside the door for awhile and I dare to crack it open and peek out. I can hear Simon’s steady breathing and I know he’s asleep. You don’t share a room for 8 years without learning the sound of someone at rest. My time in the bathroom has given me a chance to sober up some and I realise that I can’t be here when he wakes up. No good can come from it. I quietly pack some things and decide I’ll go to the catacombs, it’s almost morning and Fiona is picking me up in a few hours. I stand silently in the centre of the room, taking a moment to drink it all in. The way the moonlight bathes the room in a cool glow, the feeling of the stone floor beneath my feet, I run my hand over my bed and then along the wardrobe door. Then finally I inhale a deep breath, and let Simon’s scent fill me up, this will be the last time I smell that. It warms me and breaks my heart, I miss him already and he’s three feet away. I let the tears spill down my cheeks not even bothering to wipe them away and I bite down on my knuckle to muffle a sob. I want so badly to touch him, just once. To run my fingers through his hair and smooth it away from his glorious face, but I know it will never be enough.

“Goodbye, Simon Snow. I love you.”

**Simon**

When I wake up at dawn, he’s gone and I’m not sure if I’m relieved or heart-broken. I know I won’t find him at breakfast or out on the great lawn, I know he’s really gone. And I’m worried that I just made the biggest mistake of my life, but I’ve gotta pull it together and move on.

 

 

** TWO **

 

 

River Lea

 

 

**Penny**

 

I hear Simon banging around in the kitchen and smile to myself. Even though it has almost been a year since the events at Watford, I am still surprised we made it to this place. Happiness. But here we are, in our very own flat in London, just like we always planned, just Simon and Me. Agatha still lives with her parents but she is here often with Simon, busy school schedules permitting. It feels great knowing that the Humdrum is gone and we made it through pretty much unscathed, well mostly, nightmares still plague both of us and probably Agatha although she refuses to admit it. Like somehow admitting that you experienced a trauma makes you less attractive. I mean, the Mage almost killed her, had Simon and I not arrived when we did she would have died in a twisted dark magick ritual. You don’t just forget that happened to you.

 

I figure I'd better get out of bed before Simon leaves, I know he has an early class today, and I like checking in with him in the morning, then I can settle into a cuppa and catch up on some reading. 

 

"Morning" Simon groans when I appear in the kitchen in my jammies. "I'm so envious that you have no classes this morning. I barely slept last night and I feel like hot garbage." He is shoving his books into his bag and grabbing a scone, and I can see it in his face, the stress. 

 

"What's wrong? Having a hard time with your class work?" 

 

"No, my classes are going really well, I'm actually surprised how well to be honest." He raises his eyebrows like he really is surprised. I'm not at all, I always knew Simon was smart he was always distracted at Watford by the pressure he felt to be the "Chosen One" and he struggled to keep up academically. He is mostly taking Computer Science classes although he has yet to settle on a major. "I'm not sure what is bothering me but I just have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that something bad is about to happen." 

 

"Bad? How do you mean?" I worry about him and he knows it.

 

"I don't know, it's probably nothing. Don't worry on it, Pen. I probably just need a good night’s rest. I'll see you tonight around dinner time." He pecks me on the cheek and dashes out before I can interrogate him further.

 

I can't help but feel unsettled by his mood. I wonder if it’s his magick, since the Mage died and the pressure on Simon to be on alert at all times went away, his overly powerful magick has become much more manageable. It’s almost as though his anxiety was causing it to bubble over and go off. Before I can get too deep into analyzing Simon's concerns I hear my phone chirp from the bedroom and go check it. There's at text from Agatha. 

 

_"Hey Penny- any plans today? Lunch maybe? Simon has classes today, right?"_

 

Is she hoping that he has classes? Does she not want to see him? 

 

_"Lunch sounds great; I'll meet you at that cafe we found last week, the one around the corner from the library."_

 

I don't allow myself to jump to any conclusions just yet, but both of them are acting weird today. I make a cup of tea and grab my textbooks but after rereading the same passage nine times without absorbing any information I figure I might as well just get ready and head out to the cafe early. If nothing else they usually have someone there doing a performance and the lattes are excellent. 

 

I arrive at the cafe about half an hour before I'm supposed to meet Agatha and find a quiet table in the corner. As it turns out there is a musician here. She's singing a folky song and playing the guitar, she's quite good and it adds to the atmosphere in this place that I'm so glad we stumbled on last week. We had been heading to the library and Simon smelled baked goods wafting from this place, without a word he just turned and walked in to investigate the delicious scent. I know for a fact he's been back three times since then.  Looking back I remember Agatha being annoyed at Simon that day, when truly she should have expected nothing else, it was so like him to be drawn to the smell of freshly baked anything. But she had rolled her eyes and mumbled something about his behaviour being " _typical_ " and how he was " _wasting our time_ ". She wouldn't even come inside that day; she just waited impatiently on the sidewalk tapping her toe while we grabbed snacks and coffee. The more I think about it I remember a few different occasions where Agatha has been irritated by Simon, and for the most part he's just being himself, and doing things not at all out of character for Simon. I'm lost in thought when Agatha plops into the chair across from me and huffs out a sigh. 

 

"Earth to Penny..." she waves her hand in front of me. 

 

"Oh, Agatha! Hi!" I stammer, "I didn't notice you come in." I don't want her to know what I've been thinking about so I try to act casual and let her lead the conversation. 

 

"Have you ordered anything yet?" She asks. 

 

"Just a latte, I figured we could order food when you arrived" now that I've taken a minute to look at her she seems fidgety and anxious. 

 

"I'm not really hungry," she replies. This strikes me as odd since she asked me to lunch. The waiter comes with my latte and I order the soup of the day, Agatha asks for a diet soda and nothing else. He’s pretty cute and Agatha doesn’t even notice, no matter how long she’s been with Simon she has always been a shameless flirt and I am surprised by her non-reaction to the guy, something must really be bothering her.

 

"Is everything ok, Agatha? You seem anxious." I inquire. 

 

"Oh, yeah I'm good." She says in a very unconvincing tone, her eyes are scanning the room and she can't seem to sit still. The waiter returns with her drink and my soup and I decide it's best to just let her stew for a minute. She doesn't even glance at the drink in front of her and her leg is jiggling wildly under the table. I'm dying to ask what has her so worked up but I know Agatha well enough to know that she'll deflect if I try to pry it out if her. She did invite me here so she must have something on her mind and she'll spill it eventually. 

 

The singer has just come back from a quick break and she starts strumming her guitar. She fiddles around a bit and then settles into a song. 

 

_“Everybody tells me it's 'bout time that I moved on_ _  
And I need to learn to lighten up and learn how to be young  
But my heart is a valley, it's so shallow and manmade  
I'm scared to death if I let you in that you'll see I'm just a fake  
Sometimes I feel lonely in the arms of your touch  
But I know that's just me, 'cause nothing ever is enough  
When I was a child I grew up by the River Lea  
There was something in the water, now that something's in me  
Oh I can't go back, but the reeds are growing out of my fingertips  
I can't go back to the river  
  
But it's in my roots, it's in my veins  
It's in my blood and I stain every heart that I use to heal the pain  
  
But it's in my roots, it's in my veins  
It's in my blood and I stain every heart that I use to heal the pain  
So I blame it on the River Lea, the River Lea, the River Lea  
Yeah, I blame it on the River Lea, the River Lea, the River Lea  
  
I should probably tell you now before it's way too late  
That I never meant to hurt you or lie straight to your face  
Consider this my apology, I know it's years in advance  
But I'd rather say it now in case I never get the chance  
No, I can't go back, but the reeds are growing out of my fingertips  
I can't go back to the river  
  
But it's in my roots, it's in my veins  
It's in my blood and I stain every heart that I use to heal the pain  
  
It's in my roots, it's in my veins  
It's in my blood and I stain every heart that I use to heal the pain  
  
So I blame it on the River Lea, the River Lea...”_

 

As the song plays I can tell Agatha is paying rapt attention to the girl signing, she hasn't torn her eyes away once. From where I'm sitting I think I see a tear escape her eye and roll down her cheek. 

 

"Agatha, what's going on? Are you ok?" 

 

She turns to face me and she is properly crying now. "I don't love Simon anymore." She blurts it out before she has a chance to think and her eyes go wide as she realizes what she just said. 

 

**Agatha**

 

My hand flies to my mouth as if I'll be able to erase the words if Penny can't see my lips. I hadn't meant to say that; I hadn't even really been thinking that, had I? I can see Penny processing the information I've just thrust upon her, she's funny that way, you can almost imagine the wheels on her head analyzing before she replies. That's one thing about Penny that I love, she always speaks her mind but never carelessly. I can still hear the girl singing, and her voice is haunting and beautiful. This song sounds rich and full and the lyrics are reminding me why I came here in the first place. I knew I needed to talk to Penny about all of this stuff that's been going on with Simon. Maybe it's not even stuff, truly nothing out of the ordinary has happened, and he’s still Simon, sweet, caring Simon. It's me. I'm different. 

 

Penny finally looks ready to reply. "How long have you felt this way?" This is not really a reply; clearly she needs all of the information to properly assess the situation. 

 

"Awhile, I guess. I'm not sure exactly." She scrunches up her nose and I can tell she's trying not to get annoyed by my lack of factual response. "I'm sorry, Penny. I shouldn't be dumping this on you but I need to talk about it and you are the only person who knows both of us well enough to help me sort out my feelings." 

 

"I'm afraid that my relationship with the two of you might make me the last person who should be discussing this," she says it softly, not angry at all and I know she's right. She's even closer to Simon than she is to me and I'm not dumb enough to believe she wouldn't choose him if it came to that. "Agatha, is there someone else?" Her tone is less calm now. 

 

"Oh Merlin, no! Of course not, I could never." The tension goes out of her shoulders and I hear her release the breath she was holding. Now I have to figure out how to explain this to her properly. 

 

"Pen, I will always love Simon but I'm not in love with him. If I'm being honest I don't know if I ever was. When we first met I was so taken by his presence and then when he showed me attention and cared about me I got swept up in the excitement. Then my parents fell in love with the idea of me dating "The Chosen One" and I was happy that I had made them happy. Simon seemed so interested in our happy ending and I just went along with it. I know certain things are expected of me and marrying an appropriate suitor is at the top of the list. Somewhere along the way I forgot to stop and ask myself what I really wanted and I don’t think that a relationship with anyone is part of what I want. Lately I've been realizing that I'm unhappy and I tried to make it Simon's fault, in my head at least, I have been annoyed at him and blaming him for my unhappiness. But it's not his fault at all; I feel this way despite how wonderful he is. Penny, he saved my life. That is something you can’t repay.  How am I supposed to walk away from him after that? I feel like I need to stay with him if he wants me to, but I know that I will be miserable." I pause hoping she'll answer, she just looks at me. "Trust me, I've considered just ignoring these feelings but I don't think it's fair to Simon. He deserves to be loved fully by someone, someone who doesn't feel like love is an obligation." 

 

"You need to talk to him." Is all she says and I know she's right. 

 

Penny smiles at me in that Penny way that says she knows what's going on, she always does. She seems so calm and it makes me feel calmer about this whole thing. I wonder how long Penny has known that I feel this way, because she usually notices these things before the rest of us do. She finishes her soup and I drink my soda, she asks about school and we chat for awhile like I didn't just have a meltdown and blurt out a huge revelation. I know that Penny won't discuss this further until I've spoken to Simon about it so I don't bother bring it up again. 

 

As we are leaving the cafe she hugs me tightly and says, "it will work out, just talk to him." Then she squeezes my hand, spins on her heel and marches off, her curly hair bouncing playfully around her and I know she's right, as usual.

 

**Penny**

I guess Simon was right, something is coming, but I’m not entirely sure it’s bad. I just don’t know if he’ll see it that way.

 

 

** THREE **

****

 

Love in the Dark

 

 

**Simon**

 

Well this has been a properly shitty day.

 

I overslept; missing breakfast then realized too late that I had forgotten a flash drive with an assignment I needed to hand in today. My professor was not even a little bit sympathetic to my plight and now I'll have to add a makeup assignment to my already busy schedule. Even with all that crap, the true reason for my shit day is this feeling I can't seem to shake in the pit of my stomach. I've been trying to convince myself all week that it's just school stress or something but I know exactly what the problem is and I need to admit it to myself first, then to the other people who will likely be pissed at me for this.

 

For the past few months I know Agatha has been annoyed at me, which would normally send me into doting boyfriend overdrive but this time I just can't bring myself to care. I know that sounds bad. Crowley, it sounds so bad! I feel like a complete arse about it but that isn't going to fix the situation. I used to be so concerned with pleasing Agatha and making sure that I deserved her, now I’m just tired of it all. The thing is, I made certain commitments and promises to Agatha, we planned a life together, and I’d feel like a real prat walking away from that. She stood by me through some pretty serious shit and I feel like I owe her more than I am giving her now. I should be trying harder; I should be trying, full stop.

 

I’m just arriving at our flat and I know that Penny can always tell when something is up so I am seriously hoping she’s out. I need to think about what I am going to say to her before we talk. I know it seems like I should be discussing this with Agatha first but Penny is my go-to girl and she will know how I should handle this whole thing. There is a good chance I’ll get a cuff upside the head when I tell her what I’m feeling, and maybe I deserve it, that won’t make it hurt any less though. I reach out door and groan because I can hear Penny inside.

 

“Hey, Penny” I call.

 

“Simon, get in here!” she replies in an agitated tone. Great, I hope she’s not in a bad mood.

 

I find her in the kitchen and the smell is incredible. She is preparing some kind of Indian feast, there is a large pot on the stove with a spoon that is stirring itself, I can smell Penny’s magic intermingling with Indian spices, all of my stress melts away as she shoves a spoon in my face and says “taste this.” I do and it is delicious.

 

“What’s the occasion, Pen?”

 

“Why do need and occasion to make you dinner? You’re my best friend and I wanted to do something nice for you.”

 

Seems fishy, I love Penny and she is my best friend, but this is new behaviour. I was worried that she’d suspect something is up with me and now she is the one being super weird. I’m not going to press it though because I am starving and the scent in this place is intoxicating. I’ll enjoy dinner with Penny and then talk to her on a full stomach, I always think better on a full stomach.

 

I set the table and Penny waves her ring over the pot casting “ ** _order up_** ” so the food soars out of the pot settling onto the waiting plates. I am always impressed by Penny’s ability to surprise me, and this is a welcome surprise. The meal is delicious and I am feeling more relaxed than I have all day. I am so grateful to have Penny in my life and I’m reminded of that today.  I finish my third helping and Penny ushers me out of the kitchen so she can tidy up, the fact that she wouldn’t let me help with the dishes should have been a dead giveaway that something really is up with her.

 

“Hey, Pen can I talk to you about something?”

 

“Sure, Simon what’s up?” she seems tentative.

 

“It’s about Agatha” as soon as I say it she drops a glass and it shatters on the floor.

 

**Penny**

 

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

 

**Simon**

 

“Are you ok?” I ask as I draw my wand from my back pocket and cast “ ** _as you were_** ” the glass rises up into the air and reassembles in front of her waiting hand. “You seem a bit on edge.”

 

“You know, Simon, your magick has really come into its own lately. Does it feel different to you?”

 

“Don’t change the subject, Penny.” I give her a pointed look letting her know that I won’t be deterred, even though she has a point and it’s probably something we should discuss.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine Simon, it just slipped out of my hand. What’s up with Agatha? Did you talk to her today?”

 

She turns around and I sense that she is hiding something but I need to power through this or I’ll never get out. She won’t stop with the dishes and she is actually washing them, no magick, it’s unusual. I need her full attention so I wave my wand and mumble “ ** _a place for everything and everything in its place_**.” The now cleaned dishes stack themselves into the cupboards and Penny turns to look at me with a cocked eyebrow.

 

“Now you’re just showing off”, she cracks a smile that lightens the mood and I spill my thoughts.

 

“I don’t know if I can be with Agatha anymore.” I expect her to freak out and possibly smack me, but her shoulders seem to relax a bit. She just stares at me, unfazed. Her lack of reaction is freaking me out a bit. “Did you hear me, Penny?”

 

She lets out a breath that neither of us realised she was holding in and says, “Yeah, I heard you; I’m just not that surprised.” That is decidedly not what I was expecting her to say. Although, generally Penny knows what’s going on before anyone else does. I resist the urge to ask her what else she knows.

 

“What the hell do I do?” is the only logical response at this point; I’m getting the feeling that she has had some time to think about this that I am unaware of.

 

“Talk to Agatha you dummy.”

 

“It isn’t so simple. I can’t just go up to Agatha after all these years and the promises of a life together and say, ‘how’s it going? I’m not in love with you anymore. Have a nice life.’” Penny’s calmness is now having a reverse effect on me and I can feel myself getting flustered, this is dangerous territory. My magick is swelling up inside me a bit as I struggle to keep my cool.

 

Ever since the Mage was executed and the Humdrum vanished, my magick has been so much easier to manage. I think that during my years at Watford I lived in a constant state of anxiety and that is why I lost control so much. I was painfully aware of the dark forces trying to kill me and those around me while simultaneously living with the responsibility of being the prophesied “Saviour”. It was a fucking lot to handle and I was just a kid. Looking back I think the overly sensitive magick was a defense mechanism, a subconscious way to keep me alive. It has been almost a year now and for the first while I didn’t use magick at all, I just stopped. But slowly over time I have been allowing myself to experiment with spells that I would have absolutely screwed up at Watford, and they seem to come to me so easily now. My magick always feels under control, at least it did until about three minutes ago.

 

“Simon.” Penny says in a commanding way that grabs my attention. “I’m not suggesting that this isn’t a big deal, it is. You and Agatha have a long history, but you can’t plan your life around promises you made when you were 17. Life is messy and almost never turns out the way that you thought it would when you were in school. Maybe Agatha is feeling the same and is afraid to tell you too.”  Her voice trails off a bit at the end there and I can tell that she is hiding something.

 

“What do you know, Penelope?”  I use her full name intentionally my voice low even though there is no one else to overhear us.

 

“I refuse to continue this conversation; I do however happen to know that Agatha is studying at that cafe with the live music and good scones tonight. Maybe you should just go deal with this and bring me a latte when you’re coming home.” She smiles and brushes her hand on my cheek, “it will work out, just talk to her.” Then she walks to her bedroom and closes the door effectively erasing my ability to question her further.

 

I shoot Agatha a text before I lose my nerve.

 

_-Hey Ags, thought I’d swing by to see you, are you still at the cafe?_

 

She replies immediately.

 

_-Yeah, I’ll be here for a bit, don’t take too long._

 

I grab my headphones and plug them in, some music will help to clear my head while I walk. An Adele song comes on, after that incident with Baz on the night of the Leavers Ball I downloaded this album. I always get a warm feeling when I hear her voice and I can’t be sure if it is because she’s Adele and therefore incredible or if it’s something else entirely.

  

_“Take your eyes off of me so I can leave  
I'm far too ashamed to do it with you watching me  
This is never ending, we have been here before  
But I can't stay this time 'cause I don't love you anymore  
Please stay where you are  
Don't come any closer  
Don't try to change my mind  
I'm being cruel to be kind” _

Well that is strangely poignant all things considered. I’m a few blocks from the cafe still and I can feel myself picking up the pace.

_“I can't love you in the dark_ _  
It feels like we're oceans apart  
There is so much space between us  
Maybe we're already defeated  
Ah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah everything changed me”_

There _is_ so much space between us, and I don’t think I am the one who put it there.   
  
_“You have given me something that I can't live without  
You mustn't underestimate that when you are in doubt  
But I don't want to carry on like everything is fine  
The longer we ignore it all the more that we will fight  
Please don't fall apart  
I can't face your breaking heart  
I'm trying to be brave  
Stop asking me to stay”_

I am almost at the cafe now and the closer I get the more I think that Agatha must feel the same way; I don’t expect she’ll be asking me to stay.   
  
_“We're not the only ones  
I don't regret a thing  
Every word I've said  
You know I'll always mean  
It is the world to me  
That you are in my life  
But I want to live  
And not just survive”_

It is so clear to me now, Agatha is my past, my first love and she will always hold a special place in my heart, but I need to let her go for both of our sakes. As my resolve strengthens I am struck by the image of Baz sitting across from me on the floor of our room at Watford. “Adele made me do it” he had said to me that night and I laugh to myself finally understanding what he meant in that moment. _  
  
_

_“That's why I can't love you in the dark_ _  
It feels like we're oceans apart  
There is so much space between us  
Maybe we're already defeated  
'Cause ah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah everything changed me  
And I-I-I-I-I don't think you can save me”_

I push open the door of the cafe and scan the dimly lit room for Agatha; I see her silvery blonde hair hanging over her face as she looks down into a book. She glances up and our eyes meet, she grimaces slightly and I give her a soft smile. Her eyes are pained but I nod at her as I step forward and she seems to relax with understanding.

 

**Penny**

Simon has been gone almost two hours and I’m starting to get nervous. I know that this breakup is necessary, they were starting to make each other miserable. I’m just glad that they both figured it out on their own and I didn’t have to sit the two of them down and explain it. I’m dying to know what is happening and more than once I have had to force myself away from the front door to stop from marching down to that cafe for the details.

 

“Pen? Are you still up?” I hear Simon call from the front entry. I try to assess his tone but it is impossible from this distance.

 

“In my room,” I call out trying not to sound desperate for information.

 

He comes in through the door carrying a giant latte and hands it to me with a smile. “As requested”, he says with a nod.

 

“Did you accomplish the other thing I requested and deal with this Agatha situation?” I’m not sure who I was trying to kid pretending that I wouldn’t jump straight to the good part. I take a sip of the latte and kiss Simon on the cheek in appreciation and he just grins at me. I can tell he is so much more at ease than earlier and he is taking his time to drive me nuts intentionally.

 

“We talked, it was good,” is all he says.

 

“And?” I demand.

 

“And... we broke up.”

 

“And?” I pry further.

 

“And nothing, Penny. We had a good long talk about everything and realised that we were just going through the motions, both of us pretending things were fine for the benefit of the other. We want to remain friends, I mean you only have the 2 and we wouldn’t want to have to schedule time with you separately.” I look over at him and he has a huge grin plastered across his face. I grab a pillow from the bed and launch it at him. He catches it easily and tosses it aside. “Before you even ask, I am ok.  Better than ok actually, I am great.”

 

“Good, I am glad that it worked out, I told you it would,” I reach for his hand and he grabs mine squeezing lightly.  “Now get out so I can call my other friend and check on her, since I only have the two I need to make sure you haven’t broken the other one.”

 

“Good night, Penny,” he stands and kisses the top of my head. “Thanks for being you; I don’t know how to be me without you.”

 

I feel a lump in my throat and I swat him away before he sees me getting choked up. “Night, Simon.” I close my door behind him and send Agatha a text.

 

_-Need to talk?_

 

_-I’m all good, Pen. You were right as usual, I just needed to talk to him... I think I’m just going to enjoy being alone tonight. Chat with you later._

 

**Simon**

 

I settle into bed and my mind is racing with the events of the day one moment and then totally at peace the next. It is a strange feeling, being single. I’ve been pursuing or dating Agatha so long that I can’t remember what it means to be just Simon. Maybe now I’ll have time to figure that out, maybe I’ll also have time to figure out why I can’t seem to get the image of Baz’s face out of my head. That is an issue for another day. I fall asleep feeling truly relaxed for the first time in ages hoping for the best sleep since I moved into this flat.

 

I wake with a start, sweat dripping down my brow; this is a familiar scene in my bedroom. Nightmares are not uncommon, but this, this is something new. The knot in my stomach is not from fear and the tingling on my skin is not from agitation, it’s a whole other sensation. I lift my fingers to my lips, it felt so real I almost expect them to be wet. I just had a dream about Baz, I just had a dream about snogging Baz! And damn it was good.

 

  

 

 

** FOUR **

 

When We Were Young

 

**Baz**

I turn and give my backside an appraising look, I mean, I know it’s good but I need to make sure these slacks do it justice. There is something about shopping for a new suit that makes me feel fan-fucking-tastic and what better occasion than the Watford Leavers Ball to take advantage. As the previous year’s Top in Class it is tradition that I return and make a toast congratulating the new graduating students. I actually can’t believe it has been a year already and I am trying to tell myself that it is excitement rather than dread that has me feeling anxious about going back. The suit is midnight blue and the fit is perfection, that’s one less thing for me to stress about. I nod at the tailor letting him know that he can ring this up and wander over to the other side of the shop to peruse the tie selection. I run my fingers along the fine silk offerings. I have hundreds of ties at home and it would be fine to pick one of them, but this is a special occasion and I feel like treating myself. I find a deep grey one that is almost the colour of my eyes, it has a fine sky blue pinstripe reminiscent of a certain someone else’s eyes and I simply can’t resist.

The thought of Snow makes my stomach lurch and I catch myself wondering if he will be there this weekend. Bunce generally doesn’t go anywhere without him and now that her mother is Headmistress it would make sense for her to attend. I haven’t seen him since that fateful night when I drunkenly confessed my love to him, I plan to just pretend that I don’t remember but I that won’t make it less painful to see his stupid, beautiful face. I spent a significant amount of energy forcing Simon Snow out of my mind over the past year, and I refuse to swoon at his feet like a teenage Fan Girl! I won’t even give him the time of day, and I will look devastatingly handsome while doing it.

 

**Simon**

“Penny, do I really have to wear a suit to this thing?” I haven’t even showered yet and Penny is going to kill me because I was supposed to be ready ten minutes ago. I’m not sure why she’s so worked up over this thing, it’s not like she hasn’t been back to Watford half a dozen times to see her Mum this year. It’s me who should be freaking out, I haven’t been there since our Leavers Ball and that was an interesting night to say the least.

“Simon! Don’t make me come in there and pick out your clothes! You are a grown ass man and you should be able to make yourself look presentable.” I can hear the threat in her tone and I figure it is easier to just do what she wants at this point. I really only own the suit that I wore last year to this event so I pull it out of the back of my wardrobe and shake it out, still looks fine, I’ll just wear this tie that Agatha’s parents gave me last Christmas to make it look a bit different.

Fifteen minutes later, Penny is shooing me out the door and lecturing me about taking longer than a girl to get ready. In reality I just didn’t start until I was already late but that’s the last thing I’m going to tell her right now. Instead I say, “You look really lovely tonight, Pen.”

“I know you are just trying to shut me up but I am going to accept that compliment anyway. I am just so excited to be going back to Watford. I know I’ve been there to see mum but this feels different, it’s a party and maybe we’ll see some of our classmates.” She is beaming and the deep purple dress she has on really compliments her magenta hair. “It will be fun to see Baz again.”

“Baz is going to be there,” I choke in surprise and then try to hide it with a cough. Penny glances at me quizzically.

“Of course he is, he will be making the toast to the graduates. Its Watford tradition, don’t you remember Royston Weatherbee the Top in Class from the year before us doing it last year?”

“Penny, there were so many speeches and toasts at that party that I stopped paying attention.”

I hadn’t even considered the possibility that I might see Baz tonight, upon reflection it was foolish of me not to think of it, of course he’d be there. In the past month since my split with Agatha, I had regularly dreamt of Baz. Sometimes we’d just be hanging out or talking, sometimes we would be kissing, once even a little more than that. That night I had woken up in a cold sweat and had to go for a run through the park just to burn off the excess energy that seemed to be pent up in my system. Now I find myself silently thanking Penny for making me dress nicely.

We spend the rest of the drive chatting about our classes and the end of term assignments and exams that we both just finished. We are still waiting on most of our grades but I feel pretty confident about my first year at uni. It was an unfamiliar situation for me and I am actually proud of what I’ve accomplished this year. My magick is better than ever and I feel like I might have some decent career prospects once I finish at school. We are running a bit late and I cast “ ** _time flies_** ” because Penny and I truly are having fun, I feel myself press into the seat as the car speeds up and Penny’s hands grip the wheel a little bit tighter. Before I know it I can see the familiar gates of Watford School of Magicks on the horizon and my stomach erupts in butterflies.

 

**Baz**

They have really outdone themselves this year. There are red lanterns that have been enchanted to float around the grounds above our heads and all of the trees are filled with thousands of crisp white origami cranes whose wings are gently fluttering. The effect is nothing short of breathtaking and I can’t help but feel all warm and fuzzy inside in spite of my complete lack of the anatomy to do so. My vampirism might make me cold blooded and heartless but my other senses are all generally heightened and are being delighted on all fronts. There is a sweet smell of cherry blossom in the air and the champagne that I have just been handed is of the finest quality. I must say, Headmistress Bunce looks good on Watford, I only wish that my years here hadn’t been under the rule of the psychotic murderous Mage.

I have some time to kill before my speech so I make idle small talk with some former classmates who are here to see their siblings graduate as well as some of my old professors who seem genuinely interested in my current studies in Normal finance. I catch myself watching for the familiar bronze curls and blue eyes every now and then and have to keep reminding myself that I am supposed to not care if he shows up. Miss Possibleif comes to find me and escorts me up to the stage for my toast. I am feeling light and carefree, perhaps from the champagne and I realise that I am having a truly lovely time. I am actually looking forward to imparting some wisdom on these students as I step up to the mic with a glass in my hand. I clear my throat and look out over the crowd and my eyes freeze on the one face I was hoping I wouldn’t see _(or was I?)_. Dammit! He looks so damn good. Someone in the front row clears their throat and I look down to see Miss Possiblief urging me to start with a stern glare. It snaps me back to the moment and I run through my prepared words without even thinking about it, that is not how I planned that to go. But as I raise my glass to the new class of graduates I chance a look at the back of the crowd and I see Simon whistling and cheering with his own glass raised and his eyes locked on me. I’m so fucked.

 

**Simon**

Seeing Baz up there is doing strange things to my head. Was he always this charming and charismatic? I have always known that Baz is handsome, girls were always chasing him, not that he cared; but seeing him now it is more than that. He is beautiful. He speaks eloquently and I can see a few people getting misty eyed, he is witty and makes everyone laugh and by the end of his toast we are all standing and raising our glasses. He finally looks at me and I can’t tear my eyes away from his glare. I’m so fucked.

People start leaving their seats and milling about on the Great Lawn, I stand on my tip-toes trying to keep Baz in my sights but I lose him in the crowd and curse to myself. Penny grabs my arm and starts leading me towards a group of teachers where her mum is talking animatedly about something.

“Penelope, Simon! So glad you’re here!” she leans over and kisses each of us on the cheek. She is in full on hostess mode and is practically bursting with pride. I can see now why it was so important to Penny that we be here to support her.

“Everything looks so wonderful, Headmistress Bunce.” I return her kiss on the cheek. “And I can’t wait to hit up that buffet, I’ve been dreaming of Cook Pritchard’s food non-stop for the past year.”

“Simon, I think it is time you start calling me Mitali, you are grown up now and are my daughter’s best friend, besides I was never _your_ Headmistress.” She has a glint in her eye that indicates she may have dipped into the champagne but I can feel her sincerity.

“Thank you, Mitali that means a lot to me.” It really does, the Bunces have become my chosen family since I have known Penny and I care for them more than I think they realise.

Mitali is being pulled away from us for some official Watford duties and I tell Penny that I am going to get some food. She spots someone she knows and tells me that she’ll meet me inside in a bit. I head into the Dining Hall and my stomach rumbles in anticipation. I load up my plate to an inappropriate level and head over to mine and Penelope’s old table out of habit. I’m just about to dig in when I hear a soft chuckle over my left shoulder. When I glance up, Baz is standing over me in all of his intimidating vampire glory.

 

**Baz**

I told myself that I wasn’t going to be the one to approach him, but at some point I just couldn’t stop myself. Firstly, I figured that if I went for it at least I’d be controlling the situation rather than him catching me off guard. Secondly, he is wearing that blasted grey suit again and I am a glutton for punishment.

“B-Baz,” he stammers and I am enormously pleased by how rattled he is.

“Snow,” I say “where are your manners? Aren’t you going to ask me to sit down?” I arch my eyebrow and give him a crooked half smile. It makes him flush up to his ears and I am enjoying this more than I should be.

He regains some composure and stands to greet me properly. “Of course, Baz won’t you join me?”

I draw out the chair next to his and sit folding my arms and legs in a slow but fluid motion. Simon eventually sits back down and just stares at me for a moment.

“I know that you are dying to devour that mountain of food, please don’t wait on my account.” Something in him relaxes and he smiles a little before digging into his plate. He even gestures at the food with his fork and then at me in some sort of silent, stuffed mouth offer to share. As disgusting as it is, it helps to make me relax as well, because this is the Simon that I know.

After years of being arch rivals, we came to a place of understanding in our final year at Watford, I daresay we were even friendly. He did after all help me figure out that the Psycho Mage was responsible for my Mother’s death. Then I had to go and spoil the whole thing with my dumb feelings. We sit in comfortable silence while he eats and then he finally sits back and pushes away from the table so he can stretch his arms above his head and sigh like he’s ready for a nap.

There is music playing now and some people are starting to drift onto the dance floor. I sit watching them and I can feel Snow’s eyes boring a hole in the side of my head. I dare not look at him right now or all of my resolve will be gone and I might just say something foolish. I remind myself of the rejection that I felt a year ago, and of the fact that Wellbelove is likely still his girlfriend, I wouldn’t be the slightest bit surprised if they were betrothed by now.

 

**Simon**

I can’t stop staring at Baz; he is wearing a dark blue suit that hugs him in all the right places and the tie brings out all of the variations in the colour of his eyes. I want to bring up the night of our Leavers Ball a year ago and all of the wonderful things he said to me. I want to tell him that I handled the situation so poorly and that I am so sorry that I’ll never get a chance at a do over. But I just sit there like the idiot he knows I am staring at how his hair swoops over his forehead and looks so effortlessly perfect. I just take in the sharp planes of his cheek bones and wonder what it would feel like to run my thumb along it and rest it on his plump lower lip. I just wonder to myself if he still smells like cedar and bergamot and what it would be like to bury my nose in his neck and draw in a deep breath filling my senses with his scent. And in that moment I realise how bad I’ve got it for this man. I realise how much I have missed seeing him every day. I realise how much I want to kiss him again. I wonder how long I have felt this way. I wonder if this is the reason it wasn’t right with Agatha. I wonder if I have always loved Baz and I was too thick to notice before now. It briefly crosses my mind that I should give Penny a hard time for not telling me because she usually knows these things.

Then an Adele song comes on and before I know that I’m doing it I stand up and extend my hand to him. “Dance with me? Please?” His eyes go wide for a fraction of a second and then he is cool and collected once more. He stands and takes my hand. I pull him into the middle of the floor and he swings around to face me resting his hand on my shoulder while I draw him closer to me with my hand on the small of his back.

 _“Everybody loves the things you do_ _  
From the way you talk  
To the way you move  
Everybody here is watching you  
Cause you feel like home  
You're like a dream come true  
But if by chance you're here alone  
Can I have a moment  
Before I go?  
_  
_Cause I've been by myself all night long  
Hoping you're someone  
I used to know  
You look like a movie  
You sound like a song  
My God, this reminds me  
Of when we were young”  
  
_

I have a lump in my throat and I want to tell him everything I’m feeling right now, but I don’t know how, what if he hasn’t forgiven me for what happened last year. It occurs to me that he might think I’m still with Agatha, that seems like the best place to start but I’m afraid to say her name after the way it set him off the last time. He really does look like a fucking movie; he is almost surreal in his beauty and stature. It is making my heart race and I know he can feel it beating wildly in my chest that is pressed against his.

_  
_ _“Let me photograph you in this light_ _  
In case it is the last time  
That we might be exactly like we were  
Before we realized  
We were sad of getting old  
It made us restless  
It was just like a movie  
It was just like a song”  
  
_

 

**Baz**

 

Oh God, what am I doing? Why am I dancing pressed against Simon Snow? I came here with a solid plan to ignore him and I’ve bungled it completely. Fucking Adele, making me do dumb things around this man time and time again. There is no way it is a coincidence that he asked me to dance to this song when the last time I saw him I spilled my guts to him over an Adele song in our dorm room. But tonight there is something different in the way he is looking at me and in the firm hand he has on my back. I am suddenly terrified. I can’t do this. I can’t go back to pining and feeling broken when he inevitably rejects me. Why is he doing this to me?

  
_“I was so scared to face my fears  
Cause nobody told me that you'd be here  
And I swore you moved overseas  
That's what you said, when you left me  
You still look like a movie  
You still sound like a song  
My God, this reminds me  
Of when we were young”_

I knew this would happen, I knew I wouldn’t be strong. I have to get out of here. _  
  
“Let me photograph you in this light  
In case it is the last time  
That we might be exactly like we were  
Before we realized  
We were sad of getting old  
It made us restless  
  
It was just like a movie  
It was just like a song  
When we were young  
When we were young  
When we were young  
When we were young”_

**Simon**

I think I might kiss him. It’s all I can think. This song is making all of the memories of that night in our dorm feel so fresh. It’s like the imprint of his lips on mine has been there the whole year. I need to feel it again; I need to know if he still loves me and if there is a chance that I can still have this. _  
  
_

_  
It's hard to win me back  
Everything just takes me back  
To when you were there  
To when you were there  
And a part of me keeps holding on  
Just in case it hasn't gone  
I guess I still care  
Do you still care?  
  
_

**Baz**

I can feel him leaning closer to me and I think he might kiss me.  Every fibre of my body is screaming, yes, do it. But my poor battered heart is telling me to run. He shifts closer still and closes his eyes, I feel him hum and it sends a shock of panic through me. I pull away abruptly.

“I have to go, I can’t...” I trail off as I turn away from him. I know that if I look at him I’ll break inside so I just turn and walk briskly away.

 _  
“It was just like a movie  
It was just like a song  
My God, this reminds me  
Of when we were young  
When we were young  
When we were young  
When we were young  
When we were young  
  
Let me photograph you in this light  
In case it is the last time  
That we might be exactly like we were  
Before we realized  
We were sad of getting old  
It made us restless  
I'm so mad I'm getting old_  
_It makes me reckless  
It was just like a movie  
It was just like a song  
When we were young”_

 

 

**Simon**

Just like that he’s walking away. I knew I had ruined it; I ruined it before it even started. As I watch him walk away I am reminded of all of those years watching him on the football pitch and how he was strong, graceful and fucking ruthless, he is still all of those things and I truly feel the loss of him now. I know two things for sure: 1. I am not giving up on Basilton Grimm-Pitch that easily, he may just be the love of my life and I refuse to go down without a fight. I just have to prove to him that I’ll never hurt him again and 2. I love everything about Baz in that suit.

 

 

 

 

** FIVE **

A Million Years Ago

 

**Baz**

 

I can’t fucking believe this! Fucking Snow! Who the hell does he think he is? I should have trusted my instincts and ignored him. But I indulged myself and now I can’t shake the image of him so close to me, long lashes brushing his freckled cheeks, leaning dangerously and drawing me in. I spent a year pushing him from my mind, and I think I did a damn good job of it too. Sure, I turned down some dates, but it’s not like I was pining for Snow, I just wasn’t interested in any of those blokes. They lacked a certain _je ne sais quoi_. All that work erasing him from my life and he shoves his way back into my brain in a matter of minutes. Fuck him, I did it once and I’ll do it again, consider him already forgotten.

As soon as I left the Dining Hall at Watford I booked it straight to my car, I couldn’t risk him following me, he is unusually good at it. In fifth year he was basically my shadow. I’ve been driving at break neck speed for the past hour and I’m getting close to home now. I hope Fiona is out, I’m not in the mood to deal with her particular brand of garbage tonight. I pull into the underground parking and head towards the lift. I’m so glad I convinced Fiona to move into this new more modern flat, her old place was skeezy and it’s not like we can’t afford a nice spot. Realistically there is no financial reason for us to live together but it’s nice coming home to someone, even if it is my surly Aunt.

I hear the music as soon as the lift doors open and roll my eyes, why can’t I escape this damn album. One of our neighbours must be going through a breakup because Adele is blaring from down the hall. Dread washes over me as I approach my door and realise that is where the sound is originating. What the hell is Fiona on about? She doesn’t listen to this stuff, this isn’t The Sex Pistols or The Adicts. It dawns on me that I’m about to get an earful about being a sappy wanker for owning this album in the first place.

_“I only wanted to have fun_ _  
Learning to fly...  
Learning to run...  
I let my heart decide the way  
When I was young...  
Deep down I must have always known  
That is would be inevitable  
To earn my stripes I'd have to pay!  
And bear my soul”_

I quietly enter thinking that maybe I can sneak to my room without interacting with her at all but the thought quickly passes when I see her. She is lying in the middle of the living room floor, there is an ashtray to her left that is overflowing with butts of the cigarette and joint variety and to her right is the remains of a bottle of whiskey. I can see from the condition of her usually pristinely applied albeit thick black eyeliner that she has been crying. She is clutching something to her chest but I can’t really tell what it is. She is wearing a ratty old t-shirt that I’ve never seen before bearing the name of some band I’ve never heard of.

I tiptoe over to her so as to not freak her out and slowly kneel down beside her. Although her eyes are open she doesn’t seem to realise that I am here. She is staring vacantly off into space and is silently mouthing the words to the song. To say I’m concerned is an understatement. The song draws to a close and I’m expecting the next track but the same one comes back on, repeating on a loop. During the momentary pause between the songs she blinks and turns her face towards me.

“Basilton? You’re back sooner than I expected.” She sits up and sways close to my face, I can smell the whiskey on her and it’s clear that the bottle was full when she started.

“What’s going on, Aunt Fi? What are you holding there?” She glances down at the thing in her hands but makes no move to release it from her death grip. I can tell from this close that it is a book or photo album of some kind.

“When did this happen to me, Basil? When did I let my life get to this place?” she still isn’t looking at me.

“What are you talking about, Fiona? And what is that book you’re holding?” I reach out to take it from her and I’m surprised when she doesn’t snatch it away. Once I get it from her I see that it is her old Watford Memory Book, they used to give them to students at their Leavers, I’ve looked through this before but Fiona doesn’t know that.  Adele croons loudly from the stereo:

_“I know I'm not the only one_ _  
Who regrets the things they've done  
Sometimes I just feel it's only me  
Who can't stand the reflection that they see  
I wish I could live a little more  
Look up to the sky, not just the floor  
  
I feel like my life is flashing by  
And all I can do is watch and cry  
I miss the air, I miss my friends  
I miss my mother; I miss it when  
Life was a party to be thrown  
But that was a million years ago”_

“I miss Nico, I hate him, and I miss him, and I love him, and I’ll never forgive him.” A silent tear slips down her cheek and I am shaken because I have never seen her this way before. I feel a lump growing in my throat, I reach out and pull her towards me, she sinks into my chest and lets out a sob.

“There, there Little Puff,” I stroke her hair and it is a tangled mess. I can feel a wet spot growing on my shirt and I am glad that I took my suit jacket off before I came in. We sit like that for a long time, me just holding on to her or holding her up, I’m not sure which, until I feel her calming down a bit.

_“I know I'm not the only one_ _  
Who regrets the things they've done  
Sometimes I just feel it's only me  
Who never became who they thought they'd be  
I wish I could live a little more  
Look up to the sky, not just the floor  
I feel like my life is flashing by  
And all I can do is watch and cry  
I miss the air, I miss my friends  
I miss my mother, I miss it when  
Life was a party to be thrown  
But that was a million years ago  
  
A million years ago!”_

At some point I become aware that I am crying too, I feel the weight of the night’s events pressing down on me. At the line in the song _“I miss my Mother, I miss it when life was a party to be thrown”_ I breakdown and let my tears come. I’m crying for Fiona, because I can’t help her with her pain and I’m crying because I hate myself for being too afraid to let Simon kiss me. Fiona looks up at me with a shocked expression.

“What the hell, Basil! Why are you crying now?”

I reach across her and grab the bottle, I take a long deep drink and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “We are a sad fucking pair, the two of us. Weeping for the men who have destroyed us for all others.”

A smile cracks her face. “Rough night I take it? Let me guess, Simon Snow?”

“What makes you think that, you know I fucking hate Snow.”

“I know that you tell everyone you hate him, but you’ve never fooled me. I also know that you talked about him non-stop for 8 years. Even if it was mean and spiteful things you said, you don’t talk about another person with that much passion without some strong fucking feelings behind it. I also know that you abruptly stopped talking about Simon Snow a year ago when I picked you up the morning after your Leavers. What the hell happened with you two?”

“Well look who think she knows everything. What is your fucking deal laying here in a pool of your own tears listening to by far the saddest song on an Adele album on a continuous loop of sorrow? Don’t try to turn the tables on me, out with it Fiona.”

“Fair enough.” She starts, “I found this t-shirt that was Nico’s while I was looking for something and it made me feel nostalgic, especially with Ebb’s recent passing. So I dug out this old memory book and grabbed a drink. I had intended to just look at some photos and relax, but then I clicked on the stereo and your fucking emo torment music came on this sad lady with the lovely voice made me get all emotional. I loved Nico, I thought we’d have a life together after school, and then he chose to give his life for what he thought would be power. Do you have any idea what it feels like to offer your heart to someone and have them turn their back on you?”

Her sadness seems to have dissipated some and anger is flashing in her eyes now.

“Actually, yes,” I admit. “After the Leavers last year I told Simon that I loved him, that I have loved him for years. And he rejected me.” I can’t look at her. I can’t believe I just admitted that to her, I haven’t spoken of this to anyone.

“What a daft git he is, Baz. Any bloke would be lucky to have you.” Fiona and I don’t do the whole emotional family bonding thing, so neither of us really knows what to do other than curse the name of those who have wronged the other.

“Well Nicodemus is no fucking better, I’ve met the idiot. No one knows more than me that being a vampire is a horrible fate and he fucking chose this life. I can’t imagine what you ever saw in someone who would want this.” I gesture at myself.

We both just sit there for a minute taking each other in. I finish off the last of the whiskey and take the cigarette from her hand. I lean back against the sofa and take a long drag, blowing the smoke out with a sigh. “Simon was there tonight. We danced; I think he was going to kiss me.”

Her head whips around, “and then what happened?”

“I bolted,” she looks outraged so I feel like I need to defend my actions. “After what he did, why the fuck would I just let him kiss me?”

“Well for starters because you still love him. Don’t give me that look, Basilton. You’ve been moping around a whole year. Yes, you are killing it with your coursework but have you been on one date? Have you even attempted to hook up with anyone? You are so obviously hung up on Simon Snow.” I open my mouth to protest but she continues.

“Don’t make the same mistakes that I made. I was so mad at Nico when he told me that he planned to cross over to the vampires that I didn’t even try to stop him. Sure, I told him he was a power hungry, selfish prick but I never told him that I loved him and that it would break my heart if he went through with it.” She grabs my hand in a comforting gesture and then smacks me upside the head with her other hand.

“What the actual fuck, Fiona!”

“Did it ever cross your mind that you have known you’re gay for years, and you have known that you love Snow almost as long and that you gave him all of 2 minutes to adjust to that information?” she raises an eyebrow in a challenge.

“I suppose I didn’t consider that,” I mumble.

“So, now the boy that you love has shown some genuine interest in you and your first instinct was to run off.”

“Fiona, getting over Simon Snow was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, I can’t just let him back in to play around with my heart. I’m not some experiment where he gets to test the waters to see if he’s into guys.”

“Baz, every relationship is an experiment at first. No one goes into it knowing that it’s a sure thing. That’s part of the excitement.”

“You know, you’re not exactly one to be doling out relationship advice or to be giving me the gears about not dating. When is the last time you had a boyfriend?” consider the gauntlet thrown.

“You’re right.”

Not the answer I was expecting.

“I am afraid of getting hurt, that’s why I only hook up with Normals, then I know it will never go anywhere and I will always be in control of my feelings.” I don’t think she’d be admitting any of this if the whiskey hadn’t loosened her tongue. “That being said, I must admit it is a lonely existence and not one that I want for you. Don’t be afraid to try, Baz. Don’t let your heart go unused.”

I can’t handle this conversation anymore; I draw myself up to my feet and cast a cleaning spell to deal with Fiona’s mess.

“Goodnight, Fiona. I love you, even though you’re a hot mess.”

“I love you too, Basilton, even though you’re a stubborn git.”

I make my way to my room and get undressed; once I’ve gotten ready I climb into bed and lay there. I think of how it felt to have Simon’s hand pressed strongly against my lower back, of how I could smell his sweet scent and feel his heart beating a little too fast in his chest. I wonder what it would feel like to have him laying next to me, casting his warmth against my side. As I lay there I curse myself for letting my fear own me.

The next morning I wake to a quiet flat, Fiona must be hung-over. I get out of bed and pull on a pair of jeans and a shirt. I figure I’ll go down to the coffee shop on the corner and get Fiona a Red-Eye, she’s going to need it today. I peek into her room before I head out and see her tangled in her sheets and snoring loudly, it’s strangely endearing and I’m suddenly so glad I have her.

Even though I am still confused about what happened last night, I feel oddly optimistic. It is satisfying to think that I was the one who walked away from Snow this time, that he put himself out there and I shut him down. Maybe that’s what I needed to do so that I can move on, finally get over Snow for good. I have a little spring in my step as I get off the lift in the lobby of my building, the sun is out and it is a warm spring day. I push open the front door and my heart stops.

 

**Simon**

I hear the door swing open and I turn expecting it to be another stranger giving me an odd look for sitting on the steps of their building, but its him, it’s Baz. He looks slightly disheveled like he just woke up, and it’s adorable and he’s wearing jeans that make his legs look a mile long. All of the sudden I realise that I have no idea what to say. He looks flabbergasted that I am here, and I can’t really blame him. It’s not like he told me where he lives. So maybe I called a guy from school who has been known to be able to find his way around some of the back doors of the internet. So maybe my methods of finding him are not strictly legal, but I had to see him I couldn’t just leave things like that.

He quickly composes his expression into a familiar look of indifference. “Snow, what are you doing on my doorstep?” he asks calmly.

Before I reply I take a second to calm my breath. I’m not going to fuck this up again. I take a step closer to him, not too close I don’t want to spook him.

“I wanted to ask you to dinner and you took off in such a hurry last night that I didn’t get a chance. I didn’t even get your number.” I cock a half smile at him hoping that he’ll find it charming rather than creepy that I basically stalked him here.

He gives me an appraising look and I fear that I’m about to get chewed out. Then he raises his right eyebrow at me and says, “I don’t do dinner, but I’ll let you buy me a coffee.”

“Excellent, that’s a start,” I reply.

“Don’t get any big ideas, Snow. I’m still deciding whether or not I hate you.”

 

**Baz**

Fiona’s words from last night run through my mind. “Don’t let your heart go unused”. I am terrified of getting hurt, but maybe more terrified of never knowing what this could become.

We make a plan to see each other the following Friday and I reluctantly give him my number, eventually I will ask about how the hell he found my flat but it’s too early for that and I haven’t had any caffeine yet. I’m not going to make this easy on him, but I will give him a chance.

 

 

** SIX **

 

Water Under the Bridge

 

**Simon**

Baz and I have been on a total of six dates, well I consider them dates but I’m not sure if Baz has admitted as much. After he found me on his doorstep the morning after the Leavers at Watford he met me for coffee the following Friday. I opted for the place with the great scones because I feel comfortable there and I wanted to be on my game. I ordered a latte and a plate of scones while Baz sipped an Americano and watched me eat. We talked for a while, mostly just catching each other up on what we had been doing the past year. He is studying economics and finance and seems to be truly enjoying it. He was surprised to learn that I was into computer programming and I felt a surge of pride when he seemed impressed by my ambitions. That first night I could feel his reservations, they were so strong it was almost as though there was another being there at the table hovering between us and guarding Baz from me. He shook my hand at the end of the night and nodded curtly at me when I asked if I could see him again. This time he suggested we meet at a lounge near his apartment and I agreed happily. After we parted ways I sent him a quick text.

_-Thank you for the date, Baz. Looking forward to the next one._

_-That wasn’t a date, Snow, it was just coffee. Settle down._

_-I’m counting it as a date, goodnight Baz. Sleep well._

He didn’t reply nor did I hear from him before we met again at the place he had selected. I half expected him not to show but was pleasantly surprised when I glanced up from the table to see him waltzing towards me. His hair was loose around his face and he was wearing slim dark slacks that showed off his long, toned legs. I wondered to myself if he still played football regularly and made a mental note to ask him later when I had regained the ability to speak, he was obviously doing something that kept him in shape. He slid into the booth across from me and smirked.

“Hello, Snow. Close your mouth, you’ll catch a fly gaping like that.” There was a glimmer in his eye that I recognized from our years of tormenting each other. I blushed fiercely and snapped my jaw shut trying to compose myself.

“I ah- I was just-,” I couldn’t seem to form a complete sentence. I was so caught off guard by the simple fact that he showed up and then he walks in here looking like that! I cleared my throat and mentally slapped myself before saying. “Lovely to see you Basil, you’re looking well.” _(Understatement of the year)._ My response earned me a full blown smile from him and it was so unexpected and genuine that I felt it pierce my chest and fill me with warmth. I realised right there and then that I was all in, I had to give this everything I had because I needed to have Baz in my life, but I knew if I came on too strong it would drive him away, this was going to be a slow play.

We had a couple of drinks and it seemed to relax both of us, the shadow of doubt that had hung over us at our last meeting was less intense and I thought I could feel Baz letting his guard down a bit. We talked about the trouble we had given each other over the years and laughed at how monumental our rivalry had felt at the time. It was a properly lovely evening and when we stepped out on to the sidewalk at the end of the night, I held my hand out to Baz. He shook my hand, but this time his other hand came up and held the back of my arm in a warm gesture. I took this as a victory and decided not to push my luck by attempting to kiss him even though I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his lips.

“Thank you for the date, Baz”, I said looking up at him.

“Thank you, Snow,” he replied not denying this time that it was a date, another victory. He turned to walk away after I told him that I would text him the next day and I just stood there watching him go, not even trying to pretend I wasn’t checking him out.

This continued for the next couple of weeks, we would meet every few days, once in a bookstore, once a walk at the park; each time a little bit more relaxed until it started to feel like a new version of normal. The more time I spent with him the more I realised how desperately I had missed him over the last year, before that he had been such a constant presence in my life and not seeing him had left a void that only he could fill. I knew then that I needed to come clean with him and tell him how I really felt before I lost my chance, if he’ll only have me as his friend I would learn to live with it, because I can’t go back to not seeing him at all, but the reality of it is that I wanted so much more than that.

I have a plan and if I can pull this off I think it will make my intentions pretty clear.

 

**Baz**

Simon has some grand plan tonight and I am a nervous wreck about it. He won’t tell me where we are going, only that I need to be ready at 7, when I asked how I should dress for the occasion he simply said, _“You always look exactly right”_ , although flattering, not at all helpful. I’ve decided on a dark green button down with a grey jacket and slim black jeans, the reaction that this cut of pants gets out of Simon has not gone unnoticed. I have been using all of my available will power to keep my head above water with this whole dating Simon Snow business, I can’t let my heart make any decisions, it has betrayed me in the past. That being said I feel like something big is coming tonight and I fear that I won’t be able to restrain myself should he do something endearing. I made sure to feed properly today, I have a very convenient and discreet arrangement with the butcher two blocks over that makes the whole city dwelling vampire thing much easier to deal with. The last thing I need is to be too intoxicated by the scent of Simon’s pulse to keep my head on straight.

I hear the buzzer and press the intercom. “Your carriage awaits, Good Sir,” Simon says through the speaker and I can almost hear the grin plastered on his face.

“I’ll be right down,” I try to sound breezy rather than terrified. I stop at the front hall mirror and give myself a last look before heading to the lift.

When I get to the lobby I can see Simon waiting outside the doors with a barely contained smile, I pull open the door and he gestures with his left hand towards the street. I can’t believe what I am seeing; there really is a ‘ _carriage awaiting’_ , complete with two white horses and a driver wearing a top hat. I feel Simon’s other hand on the small of my back as he starts leading me towards our ride.

“Good evening, Sir,” the driver says to me as I step into the carriage. I just nod as the ability to speak has been shocked out of me. Simon slides into the seat next to me and takes my hand in his, normally I would make myself pull away but his hand is so warm against mine and I am still reeling a bit from the thought that he has put into this. It is all so cheesy and romantic and I can feel myself swooning already ( _damn_ ).

“Are you ok, Baz? You haven’t said anything yet and it has been several minutes,” Simon is looking at me with a concerned but hopeful expression. I must be freaking him right out. I smile softly at him and squeeze his hand.

“Of course, more than ok, I am wonderful.” I feel him relax next to me at my response and he leans forward to grab two champagne flutes and a bottle from a basket on the floor.

“I thought we could have a drink while we take a ride through the park, our destination is on the other side.” He is filling the glasses with the sparkling liquid with care and smiling in a way that suggests he is fully pleased with himself.

“And where might this destination be?” I ask.

“We are going to a show at The Royal Albert Hall,” he replies smoothly as I take a sip of my drink and almost choke.

“Excuse me? The Royal Albert Hall? But isn’t Adele playing there tonight?” I had tried so hard to get tickets to this show and was crushed when I failed. All of these nights with Simon had distracted me to the point that I had actually forgotten that the concert was coming up.

“That’s the one,” Simon smirks at me. I just gape at him, my mind is racing and my heart is screaming at me to kiss him. He breaks the spell by settling back into the seat next to me and I feel his arm sneak around my shoulders. We ride the rest of the way in silence, his content and mine shocked.

We pull up in front of the concert hall and Simon holds tightly onto my hand, he leads me up the steps and hands the tickets to the girl at the door. He heads straight over to the concession counter to buy popcorn and knowingly orders me a sparkling water. Then we head up to our seats and we are right in the front centre of the first balcony. I couldn’t have dreamt of a better spot.

I finally snap out of the dazed state I have been living in for the past 45 minutes and turn to Simon. He is just sitting next to me, eating popcorn in a much more civilized way than I am used to seeing him eat, he glances over and notices me staring at him. He puts the popcorn on the floor between his feet and turns to face me. I open my mouth to say something but no words come.

“Baz,” he starts, “I have enjoyed the last few weeks with you so much, I wanted to do something special for you to thank you properly for giving me another chance.” I make like I am going to reply but he puts his hand up to stop me. “Please let me finish, I behaved terribly on the night of our Leavers’ Ball and I have wanted to tell you for so long how sorry I am that things were left the way they were between us. Then last month when I saw you at Watford, I pushed you too hard without talking to you first and that was wrong. I really care about you, Baz and I would like to be a part of your life if you’ll let me, whatever that looks like.”

Before I have a chance to reply the lights go out and a single spotlight hits the stage. Adele appears and her powerful and mesmerizing voice fills the room. Simon and I both turn and watch her with rapt attention. She sings for ages and tells us funny stories, she is engaging and beautiful and more than I ever expected. She sings all of my favourite songs and when she sings “All I Ask” Simon reaches for my hand and I gladly offer it. We stand holding hands and swaying lightly caught up in the magic of the night. The next song starts and I recognise it immediately.

_“If you're not the one for me_ _  
Then I'll come back  
And bring you to your knees!  
If you're not the one for me  
Why do I hate the idea of being free...?  
  
And if I'm not the one for you  
You've gotta stop holding me the way you do  
Why if I'm not the one for you?  
Why have we been through what we have been through?”_

I see Simon reach into his jacket and draw his wand, he starts casting a spell under his breath and I can smell his magick. I glance around at the people near us but no one seems to be taking note of what he is doing. I’m suddenly aware of the stillness of the crowd, I can still hear Adele and I look to the stage, the performance is powering on, but the people around us are frozen in time. I look from Adele to Simon and then at the crowd of people all still as statues around us. Simon is staring deep into my eyes and Adele sings on.

_“It's so cold out here in your wilderness_ _  
I want you to be my keeper  
But not if you are so reckless_

_If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently_ _  
Don't pretend that you don't want me  
Our love ain't water under the bridge  
If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently  
  
Don't pretend that you don't want me  
Our love ain't water under the bridge  
Say that our love ain't water under the bridge”_

“Baz,” Simon draws my attention back to him. I am stunned by the bold display of magick, I’ve never known Simon to control his magick so well. He is so confident and in control and it is a huge turn on.  Adele is continuing her performance as if nothing has changed, but with all of the other guests paused they way they are it feels like Simon and I are the only ones here. “Baz, I need you to know how I feel about you. Adele seems to have this special meaning in our relationship, she keeps popping up at important times and this felt like the best way for me to show you that I am in love with you.” He looks at me and it feels like he can see into my soul. “I love you, Baz and part of me thinks that it has always been you, and I want to be with you every day, I want to wake up knowing that you’re mine and go to sleep knowing that I’m yours.”

I slip my hand behind his neck and pull his mouth to mine; I don’t have the words to respond. I only have one thought, **Simon loves me**. The kiss is deep and passionate and all of the things that I have been living for since fifth year. I pour all of my feelings into the connection between us hoping that he will know that I have never stopped loving him. It feels like I have been holding my breath for years and can finally exhale.  Simon is distracted enough that the crowd around us snaps out of the spell he cast and it feels like they have erupted in cheers just for us.

_“See you are water under the bridge  
What are you waiting for?  
You never seem to make it through the door  
And who are you hiding from?  
It ain't no life to live like you're on the run  
Have I ever asked for much?  
The only thing that I want is your love  
  
If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently  
Don't pretend that you don't want me  
Our love ain't water under the bridge  
If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently  
Don't pretend that you don't want me  
Our love ain't water under the bridge  
(Wo-ah, wo-ah)  
Say that our love ain't water under the bridge  
  
It's so cold in your wilderness  
I want you to be my keeper  
But not if you are so reckless  
  
If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently  
Don't pretend that you don't want me  
Our love ain't water under the bridge  
If you're gonna let me down, let me down gently  
Don't pretend that you don't want me  
Our love ain't water under the bridge  
  
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so  
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so  
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so  
Say it ain't so, say it ain't so  
Say that our love ain't water under the bridge”_

_  
  
_ The song finishes and I pull away from Simon. I smile down at him, and my heart is so full I think I might burst right there. I should have known when we started this thing that I would fall hard for him all over again.

“I love you, too but I think you already knew that. You’re going to have a hell of a time topping this grand gesture; you’ve set the bar pretty high.” I give him a classic Baz Pitch raised eyebrow.

“Oh, you see it’s not up to me to top this, the ball is in your court now, Pitch.” He smiles and then pulls me in by the front of my shirt for another kiss before I can protest.

We walk back to Simon’s flat after the show in a daze. I keep looking over at him expecting the whole scene to dissolve around me like a dream, but it doesn’t, he’s really there right next to me. His warm hand is wrapped around my cold one and I can feel his heat radiating up my arm and through my chest. I finally feel whole.

 

**Simon**

I can’t believe I pulled that off. Thank Merlin that my magick was steady tonight; I think it works better when I am with Baz. I keep looking up at Baz and expecting him to look closed off or afraid, but all of that is gone, replaced by a warmth I haven’t seen from him before. I love the feeling of his cool smooth hand in mine; I’m never letting it go.

We make it back to my flat and I ask if he’d like to come up, surprisingly he agrees and I lead him up the stairs praying that Penny is not home. We make it to the door and I hold it open for him to enter, once I’m inside I am suddenly pressed up against the door with Baz’s full body flush against mine. I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks and Baz crashes his lip against mine. We stay that way pinned to the door for what feels like hours, I allow myself to be fully consumed in him and it is better than anything I could have imagined. The sound of a key in the lock startles both of us and we get out of the way just in time for Penny to kick the door open and storm inside. She glances over and takes in the sight before her, my hands are fisted in Baz’s shirt and his are in my hair, we are still pressed tightly together.

“Evening, Baz,” she croons. “There seems to be something on your shirt.”

We both look down and realise that she means me; she laughs manically and flounces off to her room. We stand there stunned for a moment and then Baz bursts out laughing, I follow suit and we both tumble on to the couch. It takes a few minutes before we compose ourselves, once we catch our breath I lean into Baz and he wraps his arm around me.

“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but I’d love it if you’d stay,” I look up at him hesitantly. “I’m not sure that I’ve slept properly since we left Watford and I think it’s because you haven’t been here.”

“I’d love nothing more, Simon. I have a hard time sleeping without you too.” He stands up and extends his hand. “Let’s go to bed, Love.”

 

 

 

** SEVEN **

 

I Miss You

 

**Simon**

It has been six month, six months of Baz, six months of bliss. I wake up to soft light filtering in through the window and a warm weight across my chest. I shift slightly stretching and breathing in the crisp smell of Baz in the morning. I can’t remember a time that I was so content in my whole life. I know it is sappy and cheesy and all of the romantic comedy adjectives that I can think of but being with Baz has changed my life. He is thoughtful in a way that I never imagined possible, he is soft and tender and so affectionate that I always feel his love. At the same time, he is still fierce and ruthless but now I am on the right side of it, he would protect me and I him from anything and everything. We work so well together that it is a shame we wasted so many years working against each other.

I feel Baz stir and watch him as he wakes up, he is so adorable at this time of day, rumpled and disheveled from sleep and warmly snuggling into my side.

“Good morning, beautiful,” l lean down and kiss his forehead.

“Mmmm,” is all he replies as he curls in tighter under my arm.

“Its Sunday, our favourite no responsibilities or plans day, what should we do?” He and I are both back in full time classes and I picked up a job for a computer repair service working a couple of nights a week and on Saturdays so Sunday is our one day a week when we can spend the whole day together.

“Mmm, sleep longer,” comes a muffled voice. “Then do things.”

I decide it’s best to let him rest and slip out of bed to get cleaned up and start breakfast. It has taken awhile but Baz will finally eat in front of me and sometimes even Penny if he is feeling particularly relaxed. He still hates that his fangs show when he eats but he is here so often that he’d starve if he didn’t compromise. I pull on pyjama pants and a t-shirt and head out to the kitchen. Penny is sitting at the table with a cup of tea cooling in her hands.

“Morning, Pen,” I kiss her on the top of the head and she smiles up at me.

“Morning, is Baz here?”

“Yeah, he’s still sleeping; I thought it better not to force him to get up just yet.”

She nods and looks down into her cup, something about her seems off today but it’s early so maybe she’s still just waking up. She sits quietly drinking her tea while I putter around pulling out the ingredients for pancakes. I ask her what her plans are and she tells me about a study date she has with some girl from her Political Science class who irritates her but is the only other person in the class who seems to be following the professor’s lectures. I hear noise coming from my room, the smell of cooking bacon must have roused my slumbering vampire. Baz stumbles out of the room partially awake with a pair of my pyjama pants resting dangerously low on his hips and his hair pulled into a bun on top of his head. I feel a jolt of arousal stir in my belly and have to stop myself from ravaging him in front of Penny.

“Good morning, Penelope,” Baz mimics my greeting from earlier and kisses the top of her head. The two of them have become pretty close and it warms my heart to see the most important people in my life get on so well. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, they are so alike that it is scary. Wickedly smart, and perceptive and constantly telling me what is best for me.

“Morning Baz,” she says back pushing back from the table. Baz crosses the room and kisses me while leaning across my chest to reach a mug from the cabinet. Penny pointedly looks away and busies herself with her own mug. Normally such an innocent display of affection wouldn’t even phase Penny so why is she acting so strange today? She puts her cup in the sink and turns to leave the kitchen.

“Where are you running off to, Penny? Pancakes are almost ready.”

“I think I’m going to go for a walk, just need to get some fresh air.” She is not fully making eye contact and Baz and I give each other a look that says ‘she’s full of shit’. She darts out of the room before we can say another word and I hear her bedroom door click shut.

 

**Penny**

I know it is dumb but I can’t be around Simon and Baz right now. I can feel their happiness pouring off them, it is palpable and it makes me ache inside. I haven’t seen Micah in almost a year and our Skype dates are becoming few and far between. We are both so busy with school and part time jobs and the time difference is killing us. He still texts me every morning to tell me he loves me and I don’t doubt that he does, but I just feel like I need to see him and hold him and be near him for once. Ever since Baz has been staying over here more often and he and Simon are so deliriously in love it has been even worse. I know they don’t mean to rub it in my face, but they are so caught up in each other that they don’t realise that they are highlighting my loneliness. I am a strong and independent woman, dammit and it annoys me to no end that I can't shake this feeling.

I pack all of my stuff for my study date later, even though I’m not meeting Leela for several hours I don’t want to have to come back and risk finding those two wrapped around each other on the couch. I pull on my hoodie and put my ear buds in hoping that it will discourage further conversation.

“See you later boys, I won’t be home until after dinner.” I whiz through the kitchen avoiding eye contact. Simon makes like he is going to ask me something but I point to my ear and gesture at him like I can’t hear him, he frowns at me but stops trying to hold my attention. When I get to the door I notice that I’ve forgotten my keys on the kitchen counter but I don’t want to go back in there. I wave my ring and cast a summoning charm and the keys fly into my waiting hand. I hear a “hey!” from the kitchen but I’m out the door before they come around the corner.

 

**Baz**

Bunce is acting strange today. Actually, I noticed it a couple of weeks ago but didn’t want to worry Simon so I left it alone, now it seems like we will need to figure out what the hell is going on with her. If Penelope is off then Simon will be off and that is the last thing I want. The last six months have been nothing short of incredible. Being here with Simon is more than any of my teenaged fantasies could have conjured. He is attentive and loving, he surprises me constantly with little gifts and gestures that show how much he cares and pays attention to the things I like. Last week I arrived at my flat after spending a few nights at his place and he had left a vase of white peonies _(my absolute favourite)_ on the counter and two pints of blood from the butcher shop in my fridge. I was so overwhelmed I almost came right back to his place. He truly is the man I always dreamed he’d be, and Penelope is a huge part of his life which makes her a huge part of mine. I have found that I care a great deal about Penelope Bunce and it has me a bit out of sorts seeing her act so strangely.

“Did Penelope say anything to you this morning?” I inquire hoping that she filled Simon in on what’s up with her.

“No, nothing, and something is definitely bothering her. It’s not like her to skip Sunday morning pancakes.”

“Have you noticed that she’s been acting a bit distant lately? It seems like she is avoiding hanging out with us. Every time I see her she suddenly has some plans that she has to run off to. Maybe I’ve overstayed my welcome here.”

Simon flips a pancake and comes over to my side. He hooks his finger under my chin and tilts my face up towards him. “Impossible. You could never overstay your welcome here.”

“Says you, but she might feel differently.”

He goes back to the stove and piles the pancakes up on a plate setting it between us on the table, then he puts an unholy amount of butter on his stack before drowning them in syrup and digging in. I butter and cut my own pancakes like a normal human and start eating. I can see him thinking while he eats and it is so funny to watch him like this. It’s like you can sense the moment when the food starts making his brain function properly.

“We need to get to the bottom of this, you’re not going anywhere and if Penny has an issue with you being here then I have an issue with her.” He has entered full blown protective boyfriend mode and as endearing as it is he can’t approach this situation with that attitude. I’m going to have to take the lead on this one.

“Let’s not be hasty here, Love. We don’t even know if that is what is bothering her.” I rub his arm softly and give his hand a little squeeze. He looks over at me and leans in to kiss me, I swipe my thumb across his bottom lip and lick the syrup off before pressing my lips against his gently. “I’m sure there is some explanation as to why Bunce is acting like this, we just need to talk to her.”

 

**Simon**

Baz and I spend the rest of the morning lounging around the house, cuddling on the couch in the living room which as usual leads to other more, shall we say, cardiovascular activities in the bedroom. After a quick lunch we decide to go for a run in the park and then stop and grab coffee before coming home to shower before dinner. It has been a perfect day but this whole thing with Penny has been nagging at me and I just want to talk to her about it. Baz suggests we order in so that we can eat in our pyjamas and watch a movie and I am glad he doesn’t want to go back out. He orders food while I scroll Netflix and we settle on the couch to watch. A couple of hours later, the coffee table is littered with takeout containers and I am just dozing off on Baz’s chest when the door to our flat flies open and Penny stumbles in looking like a hot mess.

“Heeeeyyyyy, guys!” she waves at us from the place where she has landed on the floor. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

“Of course not, Penelope, we were just watching TV, are you alright?” Baz is already on his feet and helping Penny to hers.

“I’m fucking dandy, Basilton, thank you for asking,” she pulls away from Baz’s steadying grip and sways dangerously towards the window. “I’ll leave you blokes to it then,” she smiles at us and starts heading towards her room.

“Penny! What is going on with you?” I demand, she whips around almost losing her balance in the process and glares at me.

“Whatever do you mean, Simon my dear? I just went for a couple of drinks with my good friend Leela after we studied. But, I’m off to bed now, you two go back to whatever you were doing before I came in.” She winks at us suggestively and stumbles away tripping over a chair and dropping a book on her way.

I hear her bedroom door slam and then music starts playing loudly. It is some upbeat tune and I can hear her singing along terribly. I look over at Baz and he is wearing the same flabbergasted expression as me.

“What the fuck was that?” he says.

“No idea,” is all I can reply. I am so tired and shocked that I can’t process her behaviour. First off she has classes in the morning and it’s so unlike her to drink herself silly when she knows she needs to get up early. Secondly, what was all that “I’ll leave you blokes to it then” bullshit. Sure Baz and I spend the night together, but we are never inappropriate around Penny. She has seen us kiss, but no more. She’s acting like we use the flat as our own personal sex den. “Let’s go to bed, we’re not going to get any real information out of her in that state.”

“Are you sure? Should we try? Should I go sleep at my place tonight?”

“No fucking way,” I hate that this is making him think he needs to leave. I grab his hand and lead him to my room. We get ready for bed and I lay down pulling him towards me until his back is flush with my chest. In the quiet of the room we can hear that Penny is now listening to much slower music and there is something else, some other sound. In the pause between songs I hear a sob and I jump out of the bed. “I’ll be right back, don’t leave.”

I approach her door and I can now clearly hear the song she is listening to.

_“I miss youuuu when the lights go out_ _  
It illuminates all of my doubts  
Pull me in, hold me tight  
Don't let go, baby give me light  
I miss you when the lights go out  
It illuminates all of my doubts  
Pull me in, hold me tight  
Don't let go, baby give me light”_

I push the door open and see Penny lying in her bed, she is a sobbing mess and when she sees me in the doorway she tries to hide her face. I move closer to her slowly and sit on the edge of her bed. I reach out and rest my hand on her back slowly rubbing circles.

“What’s the matter, Pen. You know you can tell me anything. No secrets, remember, we promised.”

She sits up and looks at me, I can’t help it, I pull her into my chest and hold her tightly. She cries against me for awhile, and I rub her back until I can feel her calming down. She finally pulls away and looks at me.

“I miss Micah,” she takes a deep shuddering breath. “I miss him so much it hurts, and watching you and Baz draws all of my loneliness to the surface.”

“Oh, Penny, I had no idea. I am so sorry, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I am so happy for you and I really like having Baz around, but lately it feels so heavy, the distance between Micah and I is too much.” At this she starts crying again and I lay her back down in her bed, tucking her in and rubbing her back gently until she falls asleep. The song is still playing on a loop and I sit listening. 

_  
Baby don't let the lights go down  
Baby don't let the lights go down  
Baby don't let the lights go down  
Baby don't let the lights go down  
Lights go down, lights go down  
Lights go down, lights go down  
Lights go down, lights go down  
Down, down, down, down_

I return to my room and snuggle in next to Baz, he looks at me expectantly waiting for an explanation. “She misses Micah, we’re going to fix it, but not right now, right now we need to sleep. We have a plan to come up with in the morning.” I kiss him good night and fall back on the pillows, my worries have disappeared and I know what I need to do.

 

**Baz**

One thing I love about Simon is how far he will go to help those he cares about. Once he understood what was making Bunce act so strange he jumped in to a plan with both feet and I must say I am excited for what comes next. After that night when she drunkenly confessed to Simon that she missed her boyfriend and that was why she had a hard time being around us, she kind of just started acting like her old self again. Simon and I made a point of not being affectionate unnecessarily around her and she seemed to notice the change but said nothing.

It has been a week since that day and Simon’s plan is coming to fruition, he got on the phone to Micah the next day and told him that he and I wanted to fly him out to surprise Penny. Simon didn’t want Micah to know what had been going on with Penny, so he just told him that it was our way of thanking her for putting up with the two of us. Micah admitted that he had been dying to see Penny and was so grateful for the opportunity. Now I am standing at Heathrow waiting for Micah to arrive while Simon is back at his place packing a few things for the two of us. We aren’t dumb enough to reunite a couple who hasn’t seen each other in a year and then stick around to make it awkward. I was thrilled when Simon suggested a long weekend in Paris. It’s a win win!

 

**Simon**

I am strangely nervous, I know Penny is going to be thrilled but I hate keeping things from her. I just need to fill 20 minutes until Baz gets here with Micah and then this will all be over. She comes in my room and notices the overnight bag.

“What are you packing for?” she plops down on my bed and offers me some of the crisps she’s eating. She is wearing old sweats and mismatched socks, her hair is pulled into a messy knot on top of her head and her shirt has a rip in the side from an incident with a chopping spell she tried one night making dinner. I feel kind of guilty letting her greet Micah like this but I don’t want to spoil the surprise and if I say anything it will be blown.

“Baz is taking me to Paris this weekend, just a little getaway. Are you going to be ok here by yourself?” I take another crisp and zip my bag shut.

“Hmmm, let me think, the whole place to myself for the whole weekend? Yeah, I think I can handle it. Besides, I have a paper due next Friday and I’d like to get an early start on it”

“How are you and Micah? Have you talked to him about how you’re feeling?” I shouldn’t be bringing this up because I’m bound to say something dumb but I want to test the waters.

“Things are good, we have Skyped quite a bit this week and he seems really good. We talked about me visiting him this summer so at least I have something to look forward to.” She smiles weakly and I can tell she is trying to convince me that she is ok.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I check it, a text from Baz indicates that he and Micah are on their way up. I grab my bag and start heading out of the room hoping Penny will follow me. She does. I drop my bag by the door and I hear Baz’s key in the lock. Penny is standing in the doorway to my room checking something on her phone when Baz opens the door. He enters blocking Micah from view and when he sees Penny he steps to the side and says, “Hello, Bunce.”

“Hey Baz,” she says without looking up from her phone screen.

I look at Penny and then at Micah who is smiling at her lovingly.

“Hello, Penny,” he says and her head whips up. Their eyes meet and I hear Penny’s phone crash to the floor. In one fluid motion she leaps over the back of the couch, shoves Baz fully out of the way and kisses Micah with such force that he is pushed back into the hallway.

Baz reaches out for my hand and I pull him in close to me. “I’m so glad you did this,” he says to me.

“I just came up with the plan, you did all of the executing. We both did this.” I lean up and kiss him on the cheek, we both smile at Penny and Micah until their kissing becomes so heated that we realise we need to get out of here quickly.

Baz picks up my waiting bag and we sneak out, closing the door to the flat behind us. Penny and Micah don’t even notice that we are gone.

Several hours later while Baz and I are on the train to Paris enjoying a glass of Bourdeaux I receive a text from Penny.

_-Thank you a million times to you and Basil, you are both wonderful friends and I am so lucky to have the two of you taking care of me._

I lean over and show the message to Baz, he takes the phone from my hand reading it through a few times. I can see his eyes getting misty and he holds his hand up to his lips for a moment.

I will always remember this as the moment that Penny and Baz officially became best friends and it made the three of us feel like our own little weird family.

 

 

** EIGHT **

 

Remedy

 

**Baz**

Before I head out the door to pick Simon up, I pick up the ring box with shaking fingers. I open it for what feels like to hundredth time and see the two thin platinum bands inside. As is Mage tradition you wear a band engraved with your beloved’s initials until your wedding day, then during your bonding ritual they fuse to your wedding bands. I am hoping that a moment will present itself today that feels right for the proposal, I have a loose plan but nothing set in stone, I have found that when I comes to Simon and I it’s best to expect the unexpected. I slip the box inside my jacket and grab my keys from the table.

 

**Simon**

I am so excited for this day. Baz and I have both finally finished our exams and all of our end of term papers are in, third year of university is in the books, and we are both feeling great about our GPAs heading into our final year. We each have an exciting internship lined up for the summer, Baz at an asset management firm and me at an up and coming social media website that is on trend to take over for Snap Chat as the next thing Normal teenage girls are obsessed with. But before all of that we have a week to spend catching up on us, it feels like we have barely seen each other the past month with our insane study schedules and I am truly looking forward to some one on one time.

We are driving up to Alfriston in East Sussex for the day, it’s a lovely spot not too far from the city and there is a weekend pop-up market that we love with one bakery stand in particular that I am looking forward to visiting. Sometimes it just feels nice to get some fresh air and a few dozen scones. Baz pulls up in front of my flat and I slide into the passenger seat, he looks incredible ( _as usual_ ) and I lean across to kiss him tracing my thumb along his smooth jaw.

“Good morning, beautiful,” I mumble against his lips.

“Good morning, my Love,” he hums in reply. “I know that we agreed it would be easier if I slept at my flat last night so I could pick you up this morning, but I slept like shit without you there.”

“Well then no more of this sleeping apart garbage, we can’t have you missing your beauty rest.”

He flips me the bird and pulls away from the curb. The drive is just over an hour so I grab Baz’s phone from the console and notice two cups from our favourite coffee place waiting in the holders I pick one up and smell it noting the sweet scent of vanilla and caramel, this one must be mine. I smile at Baz and take a sip careful not to burn my tongue. It is perfect as usual and I resist the urge to kiss him again, instead resting my hand on top of his on the shifter and rubbing my thumb across his knuckles. Back to the task at hand, picking travel music.

“What are you doing with my phone, Simon?”

“Picking music.”

“Two things, I’ve already picked music as you can hear and that phone is password protected as you can see,” he smirks at me like this is some kind of victory.

“Well, Basil as much as I usually enjoy these playlists that you must spend hours putting together, I want to see what else is on this device and your password is no match for me.” I make sure that he sees me unlock his phone with my own thumbprint and laugh at his reaction.

“What the hell, Snow! How long have you had that little trick up your sleeve?” The look on his face suggests he is both annoyed and genuinely impressed.

“I can’t reveal all of my secrets, now let’s see what we have on your purchased list... this is the unfiltered stuff right here. Wow, Baz 898 songs and I feel like I’ve heard about 50 of them. What are you hiding in here? Boy Bands? Spice Girls? Only one way to find out.” I hit ‘shuffle all’ and put the phone back down in favour of my coffee. Baz rolls his eyes at me and picks up his own drink.

“I have nothing to hide, play whatever you like,” he looks calm but I can tell that he is running through all of the possible songs that might play in his head to be sure.

We sit and drink our drinks and I am enjoying the drive immensely, I always feel so safe and content in the car with Baz. He loves driving and although he usually goes faster than is necessary it never feels uncontrolled. A song finally comes on that I have not heard before and my ears perk up.

_“You've got a hold of me_ _  
Don't even know your power  
I stand a hundred feet  
But I fall when I'm around you”_

I pause the track and turn curiously to Baz. “Ok, tell me about this song. I’ve never heard it. When did you download it and why?”

“Seriously, Simon...? I don’t remember,” he averts his eye and I can tell he’s hiding something. “Why is any of that important? Not every song has some deep meaning.”

“True, but something about the way you’re acting tells me that this one does. I know you better than you think, Baz. You know you can tell me anything, I promise not to tease you.” I poke him gently in the side.

He lets out a long sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose, he also knows me well enough to know that I won’t just drop it.

“Fine. If you must know, I listened to this song a lot in seventh year at Watford. It seems foolish now, but at the time I was too afraid to share my feelings with you and this song really spoke to the struggle I was going through. To be honest I still think of you when I hear it even though so much has changed since then.” Now I’m intrigued and I hit play eagerly.

_“Show me an open door_ _  
Then you go and slam it on me  
I can't take anymore  
I'm saying baby...  
  
Please have mercy on me  
Take it easy on my heart  
Even though you don't mean to hurt me  
You keep tearing me apart  
Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart  
Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart_

_I'd drive through the night_ _  
Just to be near you baby  
Heart open, testify  
Tell me that I'm not crazy  
  
I'm not asking for a lot  
Just that you're honest with me  
My pride is all I got  
I'm saying baby  
  
Please have mercy on me  
Take it easy on my heart  
Even though you don't mean to hurt me  
You keep tearing me apart  
Would you please have mercy on me  
I'm a puppet on your string  
And even though you got good intentions  
I need you to set me free  
Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart  
Would you please have mercy, mercy on my heart  
  
Consuming all the air inside my lungs  
Ripping all the skin from off my bones  
I'm prepared to sacrifice my life  
I would gladly do it twice  
Consuming all the air inside my lungs  
Ripping all the skin from off my bones  
I'm prepared to sacrifice my life  
I would gladly do it twice  
  
Oh please have mercy on me  
Take it easy on my heart  
Even though you don't mean to hurt me  
You keep tearing me apart  
Would you please have mercy on me  
I'm a puppet on your string  
And even though you got good intentions  
I need you to set me free  
I'm begging you for mercy, mercy  
I'm begging you for mercy, mercy”_

“Baz, I had no idea,” I stammer out the words. The song has finished but the lyrics are burned into my brain and it is breaking my heart knowing that I ever made this man that I love feel like he could relate to these words. “I never meant to- I’m so sorry.”

 

**Baz**

Shit, I never should have told him. We are pulling into Alfriston and I park the car on a side street. I take Simon’s hand he is staring at his lap and I can tell he is deeply affected by what he just learned. This is definitely going to put a damper on my plan for this day.

“Babe, that was forever ago, I was an angsty teenaged vampire housing an insane crush on his hero of a roommate. How could you have known?” he still isn’t looking at me so I turn his face with my hand, I can see the glassiness in his blue eyes and I pull him closer to me. “Simon, forget it, that is all in the past, no longer our story. I love you and I know that you love me. It’s just a song. Please, can you believe me?”

“I hate that I made you feel that way, even if it was unintentional. I feel like we wasted years fighting that we could have been, you know, doing this,” he leans in and kisses me deeply enough to curl my toes and set a fire in my chest.

“Simon, everything that happened between us then led us to this place, here and now, together. We can’t look back on any of that with regret.” I brush a stray curl off his forehead and he smiles. “Can we get on with our day now? I’d hate for that bakery stand to be out of scones when we get there.” He pecks me on the lips one more time and opens his door. Once outside he stretches his arms above his head revealing a sliver of golden skin at his midsection and takes a deep inhale of the crisp country air, and with that his mood is lifted and he marches around the car and grabs my hand.

**Simon**

We head to the market and I am determined not to let that song ruin our day. I believe Baz when he says it’s in the past but I can’t help but wish I hadn’t been so oblivious back then. We walk hand in hand through the town visiting each little stand and sampling the local treats. Luckily the bakery still has scones and Baz buys two dozen, we even find a stand with fresh locally churned butter that I plan to slather all over them. We decided to pop into this Tudor-style inn called The Star to have a pint and a quick bite to eat. It is quaint and charming and I have all but forgotten about the car ride up. Afterwards we find a small park with a west facing view of the valley and settle under a tree to watch the sunset. I lean back against the tree and Baz nestles in between my legs with his back against my chest. I lace my fingers with his against his tummy and run my other hand through his soft hair. I can feel him relax and sink further into me and I give myself a moment to take it all in.

Along the horizon the wispy clouds are tipped pink and gold, the night is slowly creeping in and the colours are starting to fade out of everything. Baz is a warm weight against me and I feel grounded by the tree behind me, I shift slightly and brush my lips against Baz’s neck he hums appreciatively and gives my fingers a gentle squeeze. I feel so thankful for this moment. Sometimes I can’t believe my luck, after all the shit that we have been through that Baz and I ended up this way is a miracle. I marvel at the notion that only I get to see this Baz, soft and sweet and warm, this Baz is only for me and I am infinitely grateful for that.

 “Thanks for the day, Baz. It was just what we needed.”

“Yes, it really was. Now let’s get home to bed, I’m knackered.” _  
  
_

**Baz**

I hear Simon’s ragged breathing before I feel him jolt up in the bed next to me. I reach out and put my hand on his back and he is clammy with sweat. He’s gasping for breath, trying to calm himself down and I move my hand slowly up and down soothing him carefully. His nightmares have become less frequent but this is not an unfamiliar routine for us. We have become experts at comforting each other in the middle of the night.

“Shhh, you’re safe here, Love. You’re safe with me, and I’m safe here too.” I always need to remind him of these two facts after one of his dreams; he revealed to me once that his nightmares are usually about me dying, about him not being able to save me. He lies back down and scoots closer to me, tucking his shoulder under my armpit and resting his head on my chest. He is always quiet afterwards and I know not to pry. I continue rubbing his back and hold him as close as I can, for both of us this is what we need right now. Once his breath has calmed down I reach over to the bedside table, he clutches me tightly and I give him a reassuring kiss on the forehead after I grab my phone.

“I want to play you a song, Simon. I’ve been thinking about this all day, since I told you about the other song in the car, and I want to replace that memory for you right now. Is that ok?” I feel him nod against me. “Close your eyes and listen to the lyrics, this is us now, this is what we are.”

_“I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be_

_So desperate to find a way out of my world and finally breathe_

_Right before my eyes I saw, my heart it came to life_

_This ain't easy it's not meant to be_

_Every story has its scars_

_When the pain cuts you deep_

_When the night keeps you from sleeping_

_Just look and you will see_

_That I will be your remedy_

_When the world seems so cruel_

_And your heart makes you feel like a fool_

_I promise you will see_

_That I will be, I will be your remedy”_

Suddenly this feels like the right time, I grab my wand and summon the box from my jacket on the chair being careful not to disturb Simon so he won’t notice. I have been practicing this spell wordlessly in preparation for this moment and Merlin I hope it works now.

 

As the walls of Simon’s room fall away the clear night sky fills the space, it is just like the night at Watford when Simon and I first shared our magick. Millions of stars have erupted around us and I feel relief flood through me that it actually worked on my magick alone.

_“No river is too wide or too deep for me to swim to you_

_Come whenever I'll be the shelter that won't let the rain come through”_

“Open your eyes, Love.” He gasps when he does and sits up looking all around him.

 

“Baz, it’s beautiful, it’s just like at Watford, that first time.” When he looks back at me I hold the ring box out to him, his eyes go wide and he opens his mouth but I put my finger to his lips.

 

_“Your love, it is my truth_

_And I will always love you_

_Love you”_

“Simon, you are my whole world. I want to spend my life keeping you safe and filling your heart with the best memories. I want to be your shelter, your remedy. Will you marry me?”

 

He takes a deep shuddering breath and pierces me with his glare. “Basilton, nothing would make me happier. You are my remedy, you already saved me and I will work every day to make sure that you feel so loved and cherished.”

_“When the pain cuts you deep_

_When the night keeps you from sleeping_

_Just look and you will see_

_That I will be your remedy”_

 

I remove the rings from the box, placing one on him engraved _B.P._ and he slides the one on to my finger that is marked _S.S._ Then he is on me crashing his warm mouth on to mine, filling me up with his heat. Thoughts of Simon take over my mind and the spell breaks and we are back in Simon’s room. I can feel him shaking and I break away from him to see what is the matter, worry washes over me for a moment and then I realise that he is laughing.

“Merlin and Morgana, Baz! We are engaged!” he leaps to his feet and jumps on the bed narrowly avoiding smacking his head on the ceiling. I can’t help it, I burst out laughing too. He jumps around like a complete fool for a minute and then settles next to me out of breath.

“I love you so much, Baz and now you’re stuck with me forever,” he smirks and I lean in to kiss that look off his face. “There’s no getting rid of me now, are you sure about this?”

“Oh, I think I’ll manage,” I roll on top of him and shut him up properly this time.

 

 

** NINE **

 

Send My Love to Your New Lover

 

**Penny**

It’s a strange thing, growing up, which is what it feels like we are doing these days. We’ve all finished our undergraduate degrees and Simon and Baz’s wedding is right around the corner. I wonder if we will all be expected to act like proper adults now. I can’t imagine that will happen. At any rate, plans for the wedding of the century are well under way. The boys decided it was best to wait until school was finished so that they could enjoy this time without distractions. We graduated last month and both of them were headhunted for great jobs straight from school. I never could have imagined five years ago that things would have ended up this way but it all feels so right that nothing else would have made any sense. The only traditional thing about Simon and Baz’s courtship is that they elected to wait until after the wedding to live together, I have a few more days of Simon and then Micah and I will have the flat to ourselves. I was so happy when Micah discovered that his dream job was here in London, he will be starting at an engineering firm at the end of summer so we finally have some time to be a proper couple. I’m looking forward to lazy days together and having him near me all the time. It’s funny that Simon will beat me to the altar even though Micah and I started dating years sooner, but in truth we need some time living on the same continent before we rush into anything. All of our time together has felt like a vacation so far, and as much as I love Micah I need to know that we make sense as a real life, real world couple.

Our generation of mages seems to be taking on the North American approach to career choices, often choosing a profession in the Normal world and having a personal life that centres on magical traditions. I haven’t fully decided if that is what I want yet, my mother has been pretty clear that she’d like me to come teach at Watford now that my degree in Sociology is complete but I haven’t ruled out further schooling. I have been considering my Masters or perhaps a doctorate in Psychology, there aren’t nearly enough Magical Psychologists which we discovered when we all could have used someone to talk to after the Mage was executed and all that, especially Simon.  I’ll figure it out, but in the mean time I am focused on making this wedding the best weekend of our lives. As Simon’s Best Woman ( _I haven’t agreed to that moniker but I can’t think of a better one either)_ , I have a few surprises planned and the first one is coming up tonight. Baz’s stepmum Daphne has planned most of the actual wedding since it will be held at their estate in Hampshire, I’m sure it will be breathtaking as the Grimm-Pitch’s host a party like none other.

“Hey, Pen,” I hear Simon coming in the front door and head out to greet him. He’s just been for his final suit fitting, there have been several, Baz is obsessed with their suits being perfect.

“How did it go at the tailor?”

“It was interesting, Baz was torn between his desire to make sure my jacket was just right and his traditional belief that he shouldn’t be seeing me in my wedding outfit before the big day.” He smiles sweetly. “Let’s just say the tailor’s assistant eventually got sick of taking photos of every seam on me and told Baz to get a grip. I thought he was going to implode he was so mad, I quickly changed so I could drag him out of there.”

“Is he just going to meet us at the pub then? You know we can’t be late.”

“No, he’s meeting us back here; I figured we’d all walk over together. What’s the big deal, Penny it’s just a few pints? Unless there is something you’re not telling me.” Damn, he’s on to me.

“No, no it’s no big deal, just that Micah is heading straight there from the gym to get a table and I don’t want to make him wait alone.” _(Nice save Penny)._

“Ok, Baz just wanted to go shower and change; he’ll be here in an hour, plenty of time. I think I’ll go lay down for a bit, wake me up in 45.” And he’s off to his room.

 

**Baz**

The nerve of that wench at the tailor’s, I’ll be strongly suggesting that he find a new assistant next time I see him. If I hadn’t been using this tailor since I was 14 I might take my business elsewhere but he knows me so well that I can’t imagine anyone else cutting a suit the same way. She was lucky Simon intervened or I’d have cursed her before we left, maybe a nice big pimple to sport on her forehead for the weekend. But alas, Simon was there forcing me to let it go. He is constantly doing that, smoothing out my creases and being my voice of reason. I can’t wait to make him my husband this weekend. After that no more of this going home to shower and change nonsense, we have a place of our own waiting for us. I have been working with a really talented decorator to make sure that is just right. A perfect mix of the two of us, clean modern lines for me and soft plush comfort for Simon, it is my wedding gift to him and I can’t wait for him to see it finished.

“Fiona, I’m home,” I call as I enter the flat.

“Back here.” I hear her shout from her bedroom. I think she’s a bit put out that I am leaving her here alone but I can’t imagine Simon living with the two of us. They do get along pretty well, but Fiona knows that she intimidates Simon and uses that information to her full advantage when the mood strikes; she is a Pitch after all. I find her in her room and half her closet is strewn about while she shoves things carelessly into a suitcase. She is heading to Hampshire tonight to finish with some final prep before the rest of us join them tomorrow.

“Having trouble deciding what to wear? I’d appreciate it if you didn’t show up to my wedding in anything leather or ripped.” She glares at me and I smile as innocently as I can.

“Fuck off, Basil. You know damn well that Daphne wouldn’t let me choose my own clothing for this event.” I can tell that she is annoyed by this but I am eternally grateful to my stepmum for her supreme control over all things wedding related. It has been a huge relief to me knowing that she is at the helm of the planning. The three of us had tea in the beginning stages and she asked Simon and I how we wanted to _feel_ on that day, once we each explained our thoughts she simply said “ _consider it done_ ” and she has taken care of every detail since that day. All we have to do is show up dressed and ready.

“I love you, Fiona but thank Merlin for Daphne, you have a pretty big role to play at the ceremony and I can’t have you looking like a 90s punk band groupie in front of everyone.” She tries to smack my ass as I scoot away from her heading into my room to get cleaned up. Bunce is insisting that we go for drinks at the pub tonight and she’s making such a fuss about it that I know she’s hiding something. I’ve learned over the years of being with Simon that it is best to just agree when Penelope gets an idea in her head, it’s not worth arguing with her, and to be honest a night out and a few pints sounds like a welcome treat. I shower and change into jeans and a button down that I know Simon likes and head over to their flat.

 

**Simon**

Baz has just arrived and we are heading down to the pub on the corner to meet Micah, Penny seems nervous about something but I’m too distracted by Baz in that shirt to care. The slate blue colour makes his eyes look like the evening sky and it perfectly shows off the contrast between his broad shoulders and trim waist. I’m so tempted to slip my fingers between the buttons to feel his cool, smooth skin but I know there isn’t time and I won’t be able to stop myself there if I get started.

“Let’s go, Penny! Crowley, you were so uptight about us being ready and now you’re messing with your hair while we stand by the door.”

“Keep your pants on, I’m coming,” she huffs as she emerges from the loo and her hair is perfectly smoothed down like I’ve never seen it before. It is becoming increasingly evident that this is not just beers at the pub but if she is trying to surprise us with something I am not going to be the one to spoil it. I give Baz a look and he silently understands.

“Penelope, you look lovely tonight,” he gives her a warm smile and she pecks him on the cheek appreciatively.

“Thank you, Basilton you are looking dashing as always.” The dynamic between these two never ceases to amaze me. Sometimes I feel like the third wheel.

We head out of the flat and into the warm summer night, I have no idea what she has planned but I can feel excitement stirring in my gut. It’s only a block to the pub and we are there in no time, Penny pulls open the door and I expect to see Micah at our usual table for four in the corner, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Penny starts heading towards the back of the pub and as we round a corner I hear whoop of celebration and my eyes are met with a long table filled with all of our Watford friends, a banner above their heads reads “Congratulations, Simon and Baz!” and they are all raising their glasses in our direction. I’ve stopped dead in my tracks and Baz bumps into me sending both of us stumbling a bit and which makes everyone laugh. I look over at Penny who is beaming at us and I pull her into a tight hug.

“Everyone was coming to town for the wedding so I asked them to come a day early so we could all catch up a bit and toast the two of you.” She is smiling sheepishly and I love her for it.

Baz shoves me aside and pulls Penny into his arms, “I don’t care what he says, Bunce. You’re my best friend.” And he plants a sloppy kiss on her cheek causing the group to break out in laughter again.

There are two seats at the centre of the long table left empty for us so we settle in and I take a moment to properly look around. Dev is there with his girlfriend Sadie, they’ve come in from Belfast where he is working at an accounting firm. Next to them is Niall with his fiancée Margaret, they met at in school and are both working at a marketing agency in west London now, I suppose theirs will be the next wedding we all attend. Then Garret and a girl I haven’t met yet, she is cute and clinging to Garret in a way that suggests she is nervous meeting all of his friends at once. Even Trixie, Penny’s former roommate/nemesis is here, I can tell she has some charms placed about herself to conceal her half-pixieness from the Normals in this pub, she is with the same girlfriend that she had at Watford but I can never remember her name. Then finally we have Agatha, looking as ethereal as ever with her silvery blonde hair, now it is cascading down her shoulders in soft waves and the look suits her much better than the way she used to wear it. Next to her is a man that I don’t know, he has very similar colouring to Agatha’s and the pair of them look like they descended here from another planet. They are both beautiful in a very calming way and they look very happy and at ease. It is nice to see Agatha this way, I haven’t seen her in person since our split, she really dedicated herself to show jumping with her horses after that and she was on the road quite a bit. We have corresponded through text and email buy I’ve been so busy the last six months we haven’t had a chance to catch up.

Baz nudges me in the side as he stands up and signals for me to join him. I do and he threads his fingers through my hand, picking up his drink with the other, I figure it best I do the same.

“Thank you all so much for being here to help us celebrate, I’m sure it came as a shock to some of you to receive an invitation to our wedding considering the years we spent tormenting each other. But if you ask some of those closest to us during our Watford years they’d probably tell you that we have been obsessed with each other since the day we met.” He nods at Dev and Niall and Penny winks at me. “So please raise your glasses to my future husband and to our darling Penelope for bringing us all together here tonight.”

“Here, here!” Glasses are clinked and then drained and Baz signals to the waiter for another round on him. Before we sit back down I pull him down by his shirtfront and kiss him in front of everyone, he pulls away and his cheeks are stained pink in the most adorable way.

Once we settle in I slide over to chat with Agatha and her mystery man while Baz catches up with Dev and Niall. “Hello, I’m Simon,” I reach my hand across to him.

“Hello, Simon Snow I have heard all of the good things about you. I am Aksel, Agatha’s lover.” Well, that was interesting! He has a strong accent that I can’t specifically place although I’d guess Scandinavian. Agatha blushes deeply and puts her hand on Aksel’s forearm.

“Simon, sorry this is my boyfriend Aksel.” She looks at him in a way that I am sure she never looked at me on even my best day and I feel happy for her that she has found someone that makes her feel so content.

“Yes, I’d gathered that much. How did you two meet?” I smirk at her and turn my attention to the way that he is watching her. It is obvious that he is smitten as well.

“We met at a competition in Sweden; Aksel is a horse breeder, Danish Warmbloods mostly.” She still talks about horses as if I will know what she means, I just smile and nod in agreement. “Actually I’ve been living with him on his ranch in Southern Denmark for the past six months; it has been incredible learning from him.” She gazes at him fondly and seems truly at happy, it is a good look on her.

“That is awesome, Agatha. So are you still jumping?” I ask.

“I was until recently,” she leans closer to me, “that is until I found out that I am expecting.”

I almost choke on my drink, and then look up at her. She is grinning from ear to ear. “No one else here knows so keep it to yourself for now. I’m sure someone will notice eventually that I’m not drinking though.”

“Agatha, that’s incredible! Congratulations!” I want to get up and hug her but I know it will cause a commotion so I just take her hand and hold it tightly for a moment. Aksel is watching us carefully and I reach out to shake his hand again. “Treat her well, she deserves the best.” I tell him and he nods at me dutifully.

We sit and drink and at some point food arrives that we all share, we are all having such a great time laughing and carrying on. I am vaguely aware of terrible singing somewhere in the bar, it must be karaoke night, one time I was pretty drunk and I got up and butchered “All My Life” by K-Ci and JoJo to a completely mortified Baz. The next day he showed me the video on his phone and he is still using it as leverage to get his way when I won’t give in on something.

 

**Baz**

I must admit, I was a bit uncomfortable when I first saw Wellbelove tonight, I know full well that she and Simon keep in touch and of course I knew she’d be at the wedding but that didn’t prepare me for seeing her leaning in close to talk to Simon across the table. I’m not jealous or afraid that she’ll steal him away, but seeing your fiancée get all sentimental with his ex is still not easy to watch. I know exactly why she rubs me the wrong way, I didn’t get to know her very well at Watford, not for lack of her trying, she practically threw herself at me on several occasions. The knowledge that she had Simon and would cast him aside that way always made me dislike her, but she is still important to Simon so I keep my mouth shut.

It is interesting to watch as the people who were once considered _mine_ and those considered _Simon’s_ have become _ours_ and they mesh so well it makes me wonder if it was the two of us who kept them from being friends at school. Penelope and Micah have been deep in conversation with Dev and Sadie for the better part of an hour and I’m fairly certain that I heard them making plans to go antiquing together. I’m quietly observing the group, Simon has his hand on my knee, he always makes a point of making physical contact with me in some way when we are out like this. It makes my heart flutter to feel like he wants anyone who looks over to know that I am his, not in a possessive way, just in a _‘don’t even waste your time’_ way.

A familiar tune meets my ear and I hear a soft yet confident voice on the mic. “This one goes out to Simon Snow, best of luck with your new lover.” Agatha is on the stage with a shit-eating grin painted on her beautiful face.

_“This was all you_ _  
None of it me  
You put your hands all over my body and told me  
You told me you were ready  
For the big one  
For the big jump  
I be your last love everlasting you and me  
That was what you told me”_

She points over at Simon and winks at him coyly. I am surprised by her singing voice, she is really good and the look on Simon’s face is priceless. _  
  
“I'm giving you up  
I've forgiven it all_

_(You set me free, ohhhhh)_ _  
  
Send my love to your new lover  
Treat him better”_

With this she shoots a wink in my direction.

_“We gotta let go of all of our ghosts_ _  
We both know we ain't kids no more  
Send my love to your new lover  
Treat him better  
We gotta let go of all of our ghosts  
We both know we ain't kids no more  
  
I was too strong you were trembling  
You couldn't handle the hot heat rising  
Rising...  
Baby I'm so rising  
I was running, you were walking  
You couldn't keep up, you were falling down  
Down...  
Mmm there's only one way down”_

Other men in the bar are whooping and cheering on Agatha’s performance, I glance over to see if her new boyfriend is bothered but he is just watching her with a casual confidence not seeming to mind that every straight guy in the place would love to take her home, I wonder why he is so sure of himself.

_“I'm giving you up_ _  
I've forgiven it all  
You set me free, ohhhh  
  
Send my love to your new lover  
Treat him better  
We gotta let go of all of our ghosts  
We both know we ain't kids no more  
Send my love to your new lover  
Treat him better  
We gotta let go of all of our ghosts  
We both know we ain't kids no more  
  
If you're ready, if you're ready  
If you're ready, I am ready  
If you're ready, if you're ready  
We both know we ain't kids no more  
No, we ain't kids no more  
  
I'm giving you up  
I've forgiven it all  
You set me free, ohhhh  
  
Send my love to your new lover  
Treat him better  
We gotta let go of all of our ghosts  
We both know we ain't kids no more  
Send my love to your new lover  
Treat him better  
We gotta let go of all of our ghosts  
We both know we ain't kids no more  
  
If you're ready, if you're ready  
(Send my love to your new lover)  
If you're ready, are you ready?  
Treat him better...  
We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts  
We both know we ain't kids no more_

The bar erupts in applause; our whole table is on their feet as Wellbelove approaches, hooting and hollering at her. She is blushing wildly as if it has only just hit her that she put on a show in front of the whole place. Simon grabs her and pulls her into a tight hug; she hugs him back but is watching me over his shoulder.

When he finally releases her she turns to me and says, “He was always yours, I never truly had him.”

I can’t help myself, I grab her and pull her to my chest. “Thanks for breaking him in for me, Agatha.”

“Oh, it’s Agatha now?” she chides.

“After a performance like that, I’d say you’ve earned it.” I laugh as she swats at me before returning to the arms of her new Danish hunk.

The next morning I wake to the warmth of Simon pressed against my side, I roll over and wrap my arm around his middle drawing him closer to me to soak up all of his glorious heat. He hums softly in response and snuggles back against me. I breathe in his scent and close my eyes, I can feel tears stinging the back of my eyes, I am suddenly so overwhelmed by the knowledge that in 48 hours this man will be my husband. Simon rolls over and I don’t even bother trying to wipe my eyes.

“Morning, gorgeous,” he opens his eyes and concern washes over his features. “Baz, are you crying? What’s the matter?”

“Shhhh, it’s nothing, Love. I just can’t believe I am so lucky,” I run my thumb along his cheekbone and feel him relax under my touch. “I’ll be Basilton Pitch-Snow in a few short days.”

“And I’ll be Simon Snow-Pitch, I can’t wait.” He rests his head on my chest and we lay there enjoying the feeling of the sun slowly filling the room and dreaming of the things to come.

 

 

 

** TEN **

 

Sweetest Devotion

 

**Simon**

I thought I’d be a nervous wreck, magick threatening to spill out over my edges and a cloud of smoke billowing in my wake, but I’m not. I am completely ready for this, in fact I feel like I want to sprint out into the garden and marry Baz right now. The ceremony isn’t for a few more hours, sundown as Baz requested, so I am holed up in a far off guest room with Penny fussing over me.

We arrived at the Grimm-Pitch Manor early yesterday and Baz’s family members steadily started streaming in around tea time. Daphne had planned a lovely dinner after the rehearsal of the ceremony, we ate in the east gardens it was a fairly casual affair and I was pleased that she remembered my wishes that it not feel stuffy and formal. There were small tables of two and four littered about the garden with elegant cream coloured linens and simple centrepieces of succulents in low glass dishes. Floating overhead were strings of vintage light bulbs that cast a warm glow about the whole space. Long tables stretched the length of the garden covered in trays of food and drink. People freely helped themselves and sat where they felt comfortable. It was perfect and set the tone for the whole weekend. I have spent my share of evenings at various events and garden parties at this estate and generally I feel out of place or not quite right, but Daphne has paid special attention to making this weekend feel like it is just as much for me as it is for Baz, I am so looking forward to calling her my Mother-in-law; hell, I may just skip right to Mum, it will make Baz have a fit.

I am currently sitting in my boxers as I know myself well enough to not put on my suit until the last possible second, there is a soft knock on the door and Penny goes to see who it is returning with a tray loaded with sandwiches and a pitcher of iced tea. There is a small card and I turn it over.

**_Just in case you were feeling peckish._ **

**_XO-_ **

**_Daphne_ **

I love this woman. As I read the card my stomach rumbles and I thank Merlin that Daphne already knows me so well. Penny and I sit at the small table in front of the fireplace and dig into the sandwiches. She is watching me with an appraising eye.

“What?” I say around a mouthful of roast beef and bread.

“You seem so calm, I wasn’t expecting this.” She admits.

“Yeah, me neither if I’m being honest, but I just don’t have any reason to be anxious I guess. I’ve never felt so sure about anything in my life.” I take a swig of iced tea and relax back into my seat realising that its true, I am so sure about Baz, no fears or reservations. It feels good. I eat my fill of the sandwiches and then decide it’s probably time to jump in the shower and get dressed. Penny is headed downstairs to check in with Daphne and thank her for the treat, she will come back to fetch me when they need me in the garden.

 

**Baz**

This is it, the day has finally arrived. I’ve loved Simon Snow for over a decade and today I will bond myself to him for the rest of my life _(which as I understand can be quite long for someone with my condition)._ I won’t say that I’m anxious but I have a lot of nervous energy and I can’t seem to sit still. I’ve been in my suit for hours already and I’d like to just get this show on the road but of course I would request the ceremony at sundown _(damn my vanity, they don’t call it the golden hour for nothing)_ , at least the photos will be stunning. Dev has been making a valiant attempt at distracting me but he’s just starting to annoy me at this point. There is a soft knock on the door and he leaps up to get it. He returns with a tray, on it is a small plate of biscuits and a teapot with two cups. There is also a smallish silver flask with my initials engraved on it. I pick up the card and turn it over.

**Just a small treat for you and tea for the room so as to not stir suspicion.**

**_XO_ -**

_**Daphne** _

I unscrew the cap of the flask and smell its contents, it is filled with fresh blood and I drink it down in a swift gulp. Crowley, I love that woman, she knows me so well. I can feel myself calming down almost immediately and realise that I hadn’t fed all day which would account for the way I had been feeling. Of course she would know that I would be too distracted today to take care of it. Dev is looking at me curiously, I slip the now empty flask and the card into my inside pocket and move to pour us both some tea.

“A little nip of whiskey from Daphne to calm my nerves,” I supply to erase the question from Dev’s face.

“You couldn’t have shared?” he grins at me.

“No, I couldn’t.” I reply and he laughs at my frank response.

I am feeling loads better and now I am overcome by the desire to see Simon, I want time to speed up and then slow right down so we can savour every moment.  I am eager to see what Daphne has come up with for the evening, she did a splendid job on the rehearsal dinner and I know she will have pulled out all of the stops for tonight. It will be interesting to see how she blends my request for _elegant_ with Simon’s for _relaxed_ , but I have no doubt that she will have done an exceptional job. We finish our tea and Dev heads downstairs to get an update on when I should be ready to go.

 

**Fiona**

I am a ball of nerves! You’d think this was my wedding with the way I’ve been chain-smoking and sneaking shots of any clear alcoholic liquid I can get my hands on. I’d better get my shit together, I can’t let Baz down. I miss my sister terribly on most days but today I truly feel her absence, she shouldn’t be missing this. I must admit, Daphne has done a wonderful job as Baz’s fill in mum but this is a tremendous occasion and I wish with all of my heart that Natasha was here. I could use her steady hand and soothing voice right about now. I draw in a deep cleansing breath and exhale all of my bad energy as I step out into the garden. Guests are filling into the seats that have been placed in circular rows around a small elevated platform. The chairs are golden and there are clusters of white lilacs and eucalyptus tied on the end of each row, filling the area with the sweet and slightly spicy aroma. Hanging form lattice over the whole garden there are thousands of flowers, blooms of all shapes and sizes in white and soft pink, strings of twinkling white lights hang down like icicles all around and the effect is breathtaking. It is like I have stepped through a portal into another world, I half expect to see a white rabbit with a pocket watch, because this feels like Wonderland. Daphne is over in the corner quietly instructing caterers and ushers and several other staff members in tuxedos with white gloves, I slide up behind her and wait my turn. Once she notices that I am there, she greets me with a kiss on the cheek.

“Fiona, you look amazing, I knew the cut of that dress would flatter you.”

“Thanks Daph, I feel surprisingly comfortable in it, thank you for all of this,” I wave my arm around at the general beauty of the space.

“It was my genuine pleasure, I know I’m not Basil’s real Mum, but I love him like my own and I want this to be a day he never forgets.” I know she means it and I pull her into a tight hug that I know she is not expecting.

“I’m sure that he won’t, Baz adores you and so does Simon, I hope you know that.” I can see her eyes getting misty which is my cue to cut this conversation short. “Shall I let them know to fetch the boys?”

“Give them about ten minutes and then yes, bring them down.” She has quickly composed herself and gone back into hostess mode, she glides away from me to greet some guests and she is fully in her element.

 

**Penny**

I can hear the music from the other side of the garden doors and I glance behind me at Simon one last time, he nods at me stoically and I push through the door. I almost can’t believe my eyes, the already beautiful garden has been transformed into something that I never could have imagined it is so lush and inviting. I look across and see Dev, there are two aisles that lead to a centre platform which is surrounded by rows and rows of chairs. The way it is set up, everyone has a perfect view and the boys will be surrounded completely by their family and friends. I don’t know why all weddings aren’t set up this way, it’s much more logical. I hear a cough behind me and realise that I have just been standing there and I’m holding things up. I step forward and Dev follows my lead across from me, we reach the platform where there is a minister waiting and then I look back at Simon. His eyes are fixed on Baz and his stare is so intense and full of emotion that I can already feel a lump in my throat.

 

**Simon**

How am I this lucky? Baz is standing across from me and I have never seen anything more beautiful in my life. Everything around me dissolves away and my whole world narrows to Baz and me and this moment in time. I take a step forward the first step towards my perfect eternity.

 

**Baz**

I’ve said it before but it never stops being true, he is perfection personified. Simon is across from me and I have to stop myself from running to him, I need to drink in this beautiful moment and savour every little morsel. The knowledge that we will be together for life settles around me like a warm blanket and I take the first step towards him and the rest of our lives together.

 

**Penny**

The two of them start walking towards each other and with each step Simon’s grin gets wider and wider, Baz is matching him step for step and I can see that he is struggling to keep his emotions in check, ever the stone faced vampire.

They reach the platform and join hands, the minister goes about his business, this part is basically a formality since they still need to be married in the eyes of the Queen and all that. Once the minister is finished with the legal marriage he is whisked away and a member of The Coven steps forward along with Baz’s Aunt Fiona. For all of the guests here, this is the true ceremony, the Bonding Ritual. It is a centuries old tradition that far outweighs the legality of a marriage in Normal terms, should either of them break the bond that joins them, they will die. As part of the Bonding Ritual, the couple chooses a song that they feel exemplifies their love, the lyrics of that song become their vows and those words will always carry magickal weight for those two people and any of their descendants.

I hear the tune of the song start and Fiona and the man from The Coven start saying the incantation for the Bond to begin.

_“With your loving, there ain't nothing_ _  
That I can't adore  
The way I'm running, with you, honey...  
Is we can break every low  
I find it funny that you're the only  
One I never looked for  
There is something in your loving  
That tears down my walls”_

Simon turns to me for Baz’s ring and Baz the same to Dev, we hand them over and they place the rings on each other’s hands next to their engagement bands. Then they extend their left arms towards each other with their elbows bent a right angle, their hands joined between their faces. Almost immediately soft white and gold light swirls about their joined hands. They are staring into each other’s eyes without breaking contact.

_“I wasn't ready then; I'm ready now_ _  
I'm heading straight for you  
You will only be eternally  
The one that I belong to_

_The sweetest devotion..._ _  
Hitting me like an explosion  
All of my life!  
I've been frozen!  
The sweetest devotion I've known”  
  
_

Every mage in attendance raises their magickal artefact and joins in casting the incantation for the ritual, the light surrounding Simon and Baz is growing and I can feel it enveloping me and making me feel the weight of their connection. There is literal magick in the air, it is palpable. I’ve been to a few mage weddings in my life and it has never felt this powerful before.

_“I'll forever be whatever you want me to be_ _  
I'll go under and all over for your clarity  
When you wonder if I'm gonna lose my way home  
Just remember, that come whatever  
I'll be yours all alone...  
  
I wasn't ready then  
I'm ready now  
I'm heading straight for you  
You will only be eternally  
The one that I belong to  
The sweetest devotion  
Hitting me like an explosion  
All of my life  
I've been frozen  
The sweetest devotion I've known”_

Simon and Baz speak the next verse of the song in unison, their voices rich with magick. I can feel and smell Simon’s familiar smokiness and the warm sting of Baz. _  
_  
**_“I've been looking for you, baby_** ** _  
In every face that I've ever known  
And there is something about the way you love me  
That finally feels like home  
You're my life, you're my darkness  
You're the right kind of madness  
And you're my hope, you're my despair  
You're my scope, everything, everywhere”_**

As they finish their vow to each other their lips meet almost instinctively, drawn together by magick older than time. The light that has been dancing around them is suddenly drawn in towards them and as they kiss it pulses out in a wave washing over everyone in the garden.

_The sweetest devotion_ _  
Hitting me like an explosion  
All of my life, I've been frozen  
The sweetest devotion I've known  
Sweetest  
It's the sweetest!  
Sweetest  
It's the sweetest!  
Devotion...!_

The song ends and they break apart everyone looks stunned for a beat and then the guests all cheer and clap, every person in here felt the power of Simon and Baz’s love and you can see in their faces that it’s a feeling they will carry with them for awhile.

They rush off the platform and over to a small alcove, Dev and I follow them and I can see people leaving their seats and heading over to the designated cocktail area. As we approach I can see that Simon and Baz clearly don’t need our company in their little tucked away corner and I steer Dev over to the table laid out with champagne flutes. We clink our glasses and congratulate each other on a job well done before heading out to find our respective dates.

 

**Simon**

We did it, and it was more incredible than I ever imagined it would be. Baz has me pressed up against the wall in this little nook and I’m going to have to put the brakes on before we get too carried away. There are 200 or so people here, most likely wondering where we went. I pull away from Baz’s lips to catch my breath.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news Mr. Pitch-Snow but we can’t just stay in here all night.”

“And why might that be, Mr. Snow-Pitch? It’s our special day, we should be allowed to do whatever we want.” He presses more firmly against me and I know I’m going to have to be the one who ruins this little moment.

“Basilton, your beautiful Stepmum planned this elegant party for us and I won’t sully it by letting you shag me in an alcove, you’ll have to wait until after dinner at the very least.” For a second I think he’s going to murder me and then his face splits into a smile and he barks out a laugh.

“You’re damn lucky I love you,” he says and kisses me chastely one more time before grabbing my hand and sliding out of our hiding place.

We are promptly swarmed by people hugging and congratulating us, Baz has a death grip on my hand and I feel a flutter in my chest knowing that he’ll never let me go. The rest of the evening is just as magickal, we eat and drink until we are stuffed then dance until my feet are sore. At some point after dinner most of the dining tables are vanished and replaced with comfortable white leather sofas and plush velvet armchairs. Baz and I are curled up in a chair together watching Penny and Micah dance with Agatha, Aksel, Dev and Sadie who is barely able to stand at this point. I rest my head on Baz’s shoulder and try to stifle a yawn.

“Tired, Love?” He turns his face and kisses me on the forehead.

“Yes, but I know if we go to bed then this day will be over and I never want it to end.”

“Well, husband of mine, if we go to bed I have some other things planned that will make this day even better.” His voice is deep and husky and it sends a shiver down my spine. I jump to my feet and practically drag Baz to the suite that Daphne has set aside for us; we’ve got some consummating to do.

 

**Three Years Later**

**Baz**

I can’t remember the last time I was this tired, I feel like absolute shit. We’ve been home with our new daughter _(born via surrogate)_ for two weeks and I’m fairly certain I’ve slept a grand total of 10 hours in that time. I crawl into the bed next to Simon who is already snoring away and wrap myself around his warm, broad back. I’m asleep in seconds.

I wake up to the sound of silence, it is wonderful, and I realise that I must have slept for awhile because I actually feel rested. I look over and the other side of the bed is empty, I stretch out and allow myself a few more minutes of peace before I head out to find Simon and Lizzie. I make it to the kitchen and find fresh coffee in the pot and scones on the counter, I pour myself a cup and nibble a scone enjoying the quiet but wondering where my little family has gotten off to. The clock on the stove says 11:14 am and I am shocked by how long I slept. Coffee in hand I head out to look for my two loves. Not in the nursery or the sitting room, not in Simon’s study. I’m starting to think Simon may have taken her for a walk in the buggy when I hear soft singing coming from the terrace. I tip-toe over so as to not disturb what’s happening and I’m rewarded with a beautiful sight.

Simon is lying on a lounge chair with Elizabeth on his bare chest. She is fast asleep and he is singing her our song.

_“The sweetest devotion..._ _  
Hit me like an explosion  
All of my life!  
I've been frozen!  
The sweetest devotion I've known”_

He turns when he hears me sniffling as I am now a sobbing mess. They are just so cute and I am so terribly in love with both of them.

“How long have you been there?” he asks sheepishly.

“Long enough,” I settle at the foot of his lounger and smile at him because he is embarrassed that I caught him. “Long enough to see how sweet you are, not that I didn’t already know.”

“Well, little Miss here has been a dream this morning, she slept until 6 and then went back down for a couple more hours after a bottle. I got up with her again at 8 and we’ve had a lovely little hang out since then.”

“You should have woken me; I would have gotten up to feed her.” He scoots over a bit and I slide in next to him.

“You looked so peaceful that I couldn’t bring myself to wake you, I know you’ll return the favour.”

“Don’t be so sure, I have realised these past couple weeks that I don’t function well on no sleep anymore.” I snuggle in closer and nestle my head on his shoulder, Lizzie looks angelic sleeping there and I wish I could freeze time and stay here like this forever. “I love us, I love our family, you, me and Elizabeth Natasha, The Snow-Pitches.”

“I love us too, Baz.”

 

 

** ELEVEN **

 

Hello

 

** Baz **

Something is bothering Simon, it’s been going on for weeks. I know what it is but I am not sure how to help him or even how to bring it up. This fall Levi joined Lizzie at Watford for the first time and Simon is struggling with the empty, quiet feeling in the house. For the past 13 years Simon’s main focus has been the children, sure he has always worked from home and has kept up well in the tech industry but primarily he has been a full-time Dad. After we brought Levi home and our family felt complete, we moved from our central London flat to a townhouse in Notting Hill where we have lived ever since. This is our home because Simon and the kids have made it a home. There are family photos in frames lining shelves, mantles and the piano that Lizzie learned to play. There is a gallery of artwork created by our children over the years decorating the walls ( _Simon would have happily used tape and tacks but I had them all custom framed once and they are now displayed like the masterpieces that they are)_ and a small collection of stones and pebbles in a jar that have come home in Levi’s pockets from places he deems to be special. Everywhere I look I can see little moments in time that we have shared; it does feel empty without them.

I step in the front door and shrug out of my overcoat, the fall has been creeping in and there is a chill in the evening air. I toe of my shoes and slide them out of the way, leaving my bag and keys on the narrow table in the foyer. I grab the wine that I picked up on the way home and tuck it under my arm heading into the open concept kitchen and living room. Simon is at the island with his back to me, I can tell by the way he is hunched over that his laptop is open in front of him. I slide up behind him and wrap my arms around his waist, he leans into my chest and I can feel his warmth radiating through his jumper. I press a kiss to the side of his neck and he hums in approval.

“Hey, Baz how was your day?” He turns on the stool to hug me properly.

“Utter madness, but that is behind me now, it’s Friday and you have the whole weekend to make me forget about the office.”

“I’ll certainly do my best,” he smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“What are you working on there?” I gesture at the computer and summon two wine glasses with a flick of my wrist.

“Oh, this isn’t work; Levi sent an email and was telling me that he isn’t getting along with his roommate. He thinks the crucible made a terrible mistake casting them together. Sound familiar?” He takes the glass I offer and I have to suppress a laugh at the genuine look of concern on his face.  I am glad that Headmistress Bunce has made some changes that have brought Watford into this century, but I worry that Simon will forget that the kids need to figure these things out for themselves if Levi is going to email him twice a day.

“Darling, he will adjust. We did, and we hated each other.” I lean across him making sure to press myself as closely as I can while I snap the laptop shut. “Don’t worry about him, it’s all a part of the Watford experience, plus he has Lizzie there with him, and advantage neither of us was granted.”

“I suppose that’s true,” he concedes “and Penny is there covering the Magical Words professor who is away this term. She will keep an eye out for him.”

I pull him over to the sofa and curl up against him revelling in his heat. I plan to make the most of the months we have to ourselves while the kids are being filled with knowledge, and I need Simon to get on board if it’s going to be any fun at all. When we were at Watford he was so busy being chased by dark creatures and slaying beasts that he never got to just be a kid who was excited to be at magickal boarding school. I need to show him that the kids will be busy having the time of their lives and we should be excited for them rather than concerned.

“Simon, I know you worry about Levi because he is your sweet boy, but he is so much like you that he will be the most well-liked kid there in no time. And you know damn well that no one in their right mind will mess with Lizzie Snow-Pitch’s little brother, she’ll hex them into the middle of next week.” This earns me a genuine smile and I can feel him relaxing against me. “Now, can we please enjoy at nice weekend together? Next weekend there is a parent’s luncheon at Watford and we can make sure everything is top shape with the kids then.”

He sets his glass down on the coffee table and pulls me on top of him; I think I am finally getting my way. “Mmmm, you’re so right Baz,” he hums against my neck. “We should make the most of this time we have kid-free, and I know exactly what I want to do first. It’s going to be so _hot,_ ” He practically purrs in my ear and I am turning to putty in his hands. Then he pulls his phone out of his back pocket and says, “I’m going to order all of the extra spicy curries that we can never have when Lizzie and Levi are here!” He laughs at the annoyed look on my face and I can’t seem to be mad at him. I roll off him and resume my drinking while he orders takeout.

Thirty minutes later we are on the couch in pyjamas with more takeout containers covering the coffee table than is appropriate for two people. Simon is happier than I have seen him in weeks. He has cast an extension charm on the wine that I brought and the bottle continues refilling as we drink. We sit and eat and discuss plans for the rest of the weekend, he wants to go back to the market in Alfrison that he loves for scones and butter and I’d like to check out a new book shop that just opened a few blocks away. All in all I am looking forward to a quiet time together.

**Simon**

I never forget how lucky I am to have Baz, but sometimes he reminds me how wonderful he truly is, and today was one of those times. I hadn’t realised how much I’ve been moping around since the kids left in September, it has been six weeks and Baz gave me the time to adjust and feel sorry for myself, but tonight he snapped me out of it. As always, he gave me exactly what I needed, which was a gentle reminder that we have an incredible life together that I cherish.

We have been cuddled up on the couch for a few hours and I feel Baz falling asleep against me, the wine has refilled a few times over and we are sufficiently relaxed because of it. Music is softly playing on the Bluetooth and feel so content in this moment. I should get up and drag Baz upstairs to bed but it is so comfortable and warm here that I can’t bring myself to disturb him. I pull him down beside me as I stretch my legs out and we settle in with his head on my shoulder, after all these years we still fit together so perfectly.

I feel a chill in the air and wake with a start. Something feels wrong and I look over to see Baz still sleeping soundly against my chest, his long dark lashes resting against his high cheekbones. Suddenly I am aware of another presence in the room and I flashback to a fall night at Watford twenty years ago. I shake Baz gently to wake him and he grumbles at me softly in his sleep.

“Baz! Wake up,” I shake him a bit harder and he glares at me.

“What, Snow? I was so comfortable,” he looks ready to snark at me again but once his eyes are fully open I can tell he senses the same energy in the room as I do, he slowly reaches around behind him and draws his wand from behind a couch cushion.

“I don’t think we are in danger, I have experienced this before.” I reassure him.

“What is happening?” he sits up fully and looks over at me in the semi-darkness.

Before I can even respond two figures appear before us and he gasps, clapping his hand over his mouth. They are both women and I recognise Natasha Grimm-Pitch immediately, she and the other woman are holding hands and the second figure seems more afraid than the rest of us but there is something eerily familiar about her. I glance over at Baz and I can see tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. He is frozen in place and I reach out to take his hand in mine, it seems to snap him out of the trance he is in and he looks over at me in shock.

“Basilton,” his mother breathes out his name like she has been holding her breath since the last time I saw her. “My darling...”

“Mother? What- how- ah-?” he is stumbling over his words like I normally do and although it is endearing I have to save him from himself.

“Headmistress Pitch, it is nice to see you again,” I interrupt Baz and put my hand on his leg to calm him down.

“I don’t think there is any need for you to be so formal with me, Simon, now that you are my son-in-law and all.” She arches a brow at me in a gesture that is so familiar because I have seen it on my husband’s face thousands of times. “I owe you my thanks, Simon.” Every time she says my name the figure beside her clutches her arm more tightly. “You saved my son, and you helped him avenge my death.”

“I believe Baz and I saved each other, and it was my honour to assist him.” Baz still hasn’t moved a muscle, he is taking in the exchange between his mother and I with rapt attention but he can’t seem to form any words of his own. Natasha turns to him slowly and moves closer to us, I stand and help Baz do the same while holding him tightly against me. She reaches out her hand and gently caresses his cheek and I feel him shiver.

“Basilton, my dear boy, I had to return again to set a few things straight. Firstly, to thank you properly for discovering the truth and granting me some peace; I knew I could count on you and you didn’t let me down. Second, I want you to know how exceedingly proud I am of the man you have become, your life has seen many sorrows and you never allow it to beat you. I have had the pleasure of watching you grow up, lead your class academically both at Watford and beyond, become a leader in your chosen field and most importantly you are an incredible husband and father and a wonderful son.” Baz is quietly crying beside me and his mother is caressing his cheek affectionately. “Don’t look so surprised dear, why would you ever doubt that I would feel this way?”

Baz finally finds his voice although it is deep and raspy. “You list all of my accomplishments but it does not change what I am, at the core of my being I am still a vampire. My years with Simon have shown me that it does not make me a monster but you took your own life rather than becoming what I am. I don’t blame you for that choice, but how am I to believe that you are happy with me existing this way?”

“That brings me to the final reason for my visit, I came to apologise to you. It was my responsibility to protect Watford and all who resided there, the night that the vampires came I reacted instinctively, I was blinded by fear and uncertainty and I have spent a long time regretting what happened that night. Initially I was afraid of what would happen to you when the changes started, but again you continually impressed me with your choices and your willpower. Basilton, you have shown me what it means to be strong, I wish I could have been that strong for you.”

At her final confession Baz breaks away from me and wraps his arms around her. I know that her words are exactly what he has needed as long as I’ve known him and that he will be a different man after tonight. Baz letting go of me brings my attention back to the other figure, I look into her eyes for the first time and feel suddenly so at peace. She is slowly moving closer to me and reaches her hand out, I take it in mine and feel warmth wash over me.

“My rosebud boy,” she finally speaks. My eyes snap up to meet hers and I instantly know who she is.

“Mom?”

“Yes, Simon it is me. I am so sorry...” she looks away and I can sense her sadness.

“Don’t be sorry, I’m not. I remember now, you were there the last time, you tried to talk to me the last time the veil lifted.” I hold her hand more tightly. “Mom, I am so glad you’re here.”

“I needed you to know who I am, why I didn’t come for you. All I ever wanted was to be your Mom and I spent years watching you go without, now that you have your own family I feel like I can finally move on, but not without telling you how loved you are and have always been.” I can see that she is already fading as is Natasha; I pull her towards me and wrap my arms around her tightly. If this is my only chance to be with my mother I am not going to waste it.

As suddenly as they arrived, both figures are gone. I look over at Baz he seems like he wants to say so many things but instead just pulls me against him, we stand there for a long while feeling comforted by each other.

“She’s right you know,” I say, “you are and incredible husband and father.”

“Your mother was quite insightful as well,” he smiles down at me, “you are and have always been loved.” I press my lips against his gently and he draws me closer deepening the kiss, I notice that the music is still playing and a familiar voice fills my ears. I can’t help but smile against Baz’s lips at the song.

_“Hello, it's me  
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet  
To go over everything  
They say that time's supposed to heal ya  
But I ain't done much healing_

_Hello, can you hear me?  
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be  
When we were younger and free  
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet_

_There's such a difference between us  
And a million miles_

_Hello from the other side  
I must have called a thousand times  
To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done  
But when I call you never seem to be home_

_Hello from the outside  
At least I can say that I've tried  
To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart  
But it don't matter it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore”_

“It wouldn’t be a proper part of our story without Adele chiming in.” I note and Baz laughs as he pulls away and looks down at me. “How are you feeling?”

“Fully complete,” he sighs, “you and the kids have brought me more joy than I could ever have imagined, but part of me has always thought that I was a disappointment to her. Seeing her tonight gave me the peace of mind that I have been craving my whole life. How about you? That was your Mom!”

“I spent my childhood wishing for her to come and find me and imagining the life that I could have had with her. It was incredible seeing her, meeting her and having some closure about why she never came for me. More than ever now I know that you, Lizzie and Levi are all I need. Fully complete, I feel the same way.”

End

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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